Making Memories

Andy is so into our Christmas tree. Every morning when we head down the stairs he waves as the tree and says, "Ohhhhh". It's so cute! He loves to walk around it and he'll touch the branches, lights and ornaments with just one finger.
My family always had a tradition of my dad putting his Lionel train around the tree. As the years went on the arrangement would always get a little more intricate as he bought new components (well, OLD parts, but new to him) and tried new arrangements. In recent years he would spend days getting it all set up. I mean, this was serious business, usually involving charts and sketches. My dad's biggest thrill was running the train for visitors. Really special folks would even be able to run the train themselves.

Since my dad's accident my parent's haven't bothered with a Christmas tree, plus my dad really doesn't have the strength or dexterity in his hands, so the trains have remained packed away. Last week when we were setting up our tree we tried a different arrangement in our living room and a plan was hatched. I asked my dad if he would come over with his trains so that he could supervise Brian setting up the train around our tree. Yesterday Brian went over to their house and helped my dad select everything that we would need for today.

My parents came over this afternoon the the train building began. It was a really nice, relaxing and pleasant day. Andy was sleeping when the building was finished, so we all watched Christmas Vacation. We had pizza for dinner, and afterwards it was time to introduce Andy to the train. I just knew he would be thrilled. I think everyone else knew it too, and we were all looking forward to his joyful reaction.

Let's just say we didn't get the reaction we were looking for.

It turns out that he was scared to death! He cried and cried, but did settle down when Brian held him on his lap. I think it also helped to run the train a little slower. After a few rounds Andy got much braver and pretty soon he was loading and unloading the barrel car and giggling like mad.

All in all it was a great night for everyone and we built some wonderful family memories. Now we are looking forward to next weekend when Eric, Kari and the kids come out. It will be so fun to see all three kids joyfully playing with the train. And fun to see my dad enjoying the kids with his beloved trains.

New Stuff

Yesterday we stopped at my parent's house around lunch time. Andy had his first McDonald's cheeseburger and shared the moment with his Papa. Let me tell you, he thought it was completely delicious.

I'm still working on redecorating Andy's bathroom using a ducky theme. I have all of the accessories, shower curtain, pictures and paint and now it's just a matter of getting it done. Since it seems so overwhelming I took on a much smaller project. I redecorated our downstairs bathroom instead. Here are the before pictures . . .

And now here's our new look. I think it really brightens up what is really a pretty small bathroom. It also feels good to have actually accomplished something. Thank goodness for naps. Andy's, not mine, that is.

So tell me, what project have you been meaning to do that you keep putting off?

Three Years

Today is a bittersweet day. It is three years, to the day, since my family was forever changed. Three years ago today (Click here to review) my dad fell, broke his neck, and became a quadriplegic. He easily could have died that day, but instead, we were all given the gift of extra time with him. My dad has handled these last 3 years with dignity and grace, and has never let on if he feels sorry for himself or angry. My mom has sacrificed mightily to keep him in good health and to keep their home and affairs in order. This is certainly not the retirement we wanted for them and I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to make everything right again.

Over the last 3 years some things have gotten easier for my dad. However, dealing with the crap dealt by home health companies, medicare, and the like only get more difficult with each passing day. During times like this the worst part shouldn't be dealing with obtaining proper care.

Now that we have Andy, and now that I have to teach full time again, we simply can't offer the help that we once could and that's a horrible feeling. It's a horrible feeling to know that some things just won't get better no matter how hard you work at it. In a way it's a little bit like dealing with infertility. No matter how hard you work, it just won't be right.

But, the important thing is that he's still my dad. And he's still with us. And Andy loves to cluck at him and it's fun to watch them wave at each other.

Loose Ends and Stuff

I've realized (thanks to some phone calls and emails) that I really need to follow up on a few things that I've posted recently. I tend to post about whatever is in the forefront of my somewhat cluttered mind. The proper thing to do would be to follow up once something else happens, however, by the time some sort of resolution pans out it seems as though there is some other burning issue to occupy my aforementioned somewhat cluttered mind. So, I'll attempt to fill in some holes here.

First of all, my dad's surgery went very well. Surgeons removed a very gangrenous gall bladder just in the nick of time on Friday. Unfortunately, while he was actually still in surgery, a representative from their current home health company found my mom and cancelled their service. Again. So, my dad will be in the hospital until a suitable home health company can be contracted.

The April 15th deadline for teacher layoffs came and went and didn't directly affect me. However, contracts aren't expected to even be offered until May 15th. It should be interesting to see what is presented. We are hearing that pay cuts up to 12% are being considered by the school governing board. Oh, and class sizes are expected to go up to 40. The thought of 40 third graders for 12% less pay is really pretty sickening. I'm really trying not to think about it right now.

The book I was going to read the weekend B was otherwise occupied with Nascar and his California buddies? Well, it didn't happen. General life just got in the way. For one, I took Andrew to his little friend Addie's first birthday party. Aren't they cute? Notice that Addie is 3 months older than Andrew, yet he out-chubs her by a pound.


Andrew also got to do some swinging with his friend Ryann. He really liked being on a swing that doesn't require batteries.
Andrew has also been trying to get the hang of transitioning from carpet swimming to crawling. Unfortunately, he gets about this far, then falls flat and continues carpet swimming and rolling.

Our bath time routine has morphed from the island in the kitchen to our bathroom. It's great for Andrew to be able to splash more, but it's much rougher on our knees, despite the little foam knee pad.

My little Bug-a-Boo loves, loves, loves each and every mealtime. Here's his happy, happy face, showing off his 8 teeth. Little Bug is smiley like this all day long, with few exceptions.

And this last face? Well, let's just call it like it is. It's his poopin' face. I see it towards the end of nearly every meal. Apparently this makes him sort of happy too.

I think this just about sums up the latest happenings and worries in my life and mind. Next time I'll share Andrew's nine month pictures. Nine months old!!!! Can you believe it?

Monday Morning Musing

OK, hmmm, where did I leave off. That's right, some random guy in a cowboy hat was walking a steer down the street . . .

And then on Friday I prepped for our last homestudy home visit with the social workers from the adoption agency. I went through and organized our papers again. Yes, I did this several times, each time double checking that I hadn't forgotten something. I reread and revised and reprinted our autobiographies again. I straightened up the house. Our visit went really well. Our social worker just looked through our papers to make sure everything was complete, signed and notarized. Then Brian and I were each interviewed separately. We were brought together again to review the "what happens now" part of the process. And finally, we were given a huge, empty scrapbook and a booklet of instructions of what to include in our profile.

Let me tell you, I'm just slightly overwhelmed by this project. I've done scrapbooking. I've got a room full of stuff. We have plenty of pictures to choose from. And I have no idea where to begin. Or how to write a "Dear Birthmom" letter. Any ideas?

In other weekend events, we did a little babysitting on Saturday afternoon and evening. Our friends wanted to go to a college basketball game sans the little bundle of girliness so we volunteered to watch her. She is 8 months old and we had a great time with her. So did Molly. And she had a great time with Molly.

Yesterday we went to the casino with my parents. What better way to spend a rainy day in the Valley of the Sun? My dad used to really enjoy playing blackjack, but he hasn't done it since his accident. We talked him into it yesterday. I sat with him and placed his bets for him while he did the playing. We started at an empty table with just the dealer, and it was a table of regular height. The dealer told my dad that there was a low blackjack table if he was interested. However, my dad is of the opinion that the players at the low table aren't very good players and that would mess things up for him. His opinion seems to have served him well. At the end of our time he had won about $200.

And so here I am . . . Monday morning. I didn't get called to work today, but I do have tutoring this afternoon. The kitchen has been cleaned, laundry is in process, and I have a few errands to run. All the while mulling over in my brain just how to get started with our profile . . .

Oh, and I'm getting a cold too. Boo.

Life is Busy Out From Under the Rock

First of all, let me assure you that I did NOT crawl back under my rock. I've just been really super busy, probably because I did spend so much time under said rock during the last month. So what have I been doing? Glad you asked . . .

1) Helping my mom and dad. Just helping with daily life at the house and I took my dad to therapy a couple of times.

2) Tutoring. Yup, it's been a full schedule, 3 afternoons a week.

3) Shopping. Yup, it's that time of year again and who wants to wait until the last minute.

4) Brian's aunt just moved out here, so we have spent some time with her.

5) Hockey. After not going to any games for a couple of weeks we went on Wednesday night.

6) Acupuncture. Seriously, it takes half a day to drive there, have the treatment, and drive home. Oh, and stop for a little shopping on the way.

7) Pukey, poopin' Pie. No, I haven't been baking. Our sweet Molly is sick, sick, sick. She got really sick last Wednesday night and got me up out of bed every 30 to 45 minutes for several hours. Finally I spent the rest of the night on the couch. And the next night too. The first vet visit resulted in some pills to shove down her gullet. It didn't work very well. That brings us to yesterday, and another vet visit because she refused to eat (and hadn't eaten in over 24 hours) and wouldn't even eat the tastiest treats we made her. So now it appears that she has a $600 tummy ache. And 2 more medications to take. Oh, and they gave her fluids since she was dehydrated. We are still waiting for a few more test results, but so far everything looks good. And she is eating again. But pretty much just scrambled eggs. Hopefully she will be ready for turkey in a few days.

Oh, and that brings me to Thanksgiving. We are hosting again this year and there will be about a dozen of us. Brian is in charge of the turkey, stuffing and green bean casserole. He is on-call over the 4 day holiday so I really hope that nobody has a heart attack and spoils their holiday as well as ours. Eric, Kari and the munchkins are arriving tomorrow and staying until Saturday.


Oh, and here is my dad at therapy one day last week. He is gaining so much strength. He is learning to transfer from his wheelchair to the mat table using a transfer board rather than the lift like at home. He is also learning to balance himself using his arms. He has some abdominal, or core control, but it is very slight so everything he does is with his arms and shoulders. It is very tiring, but he works his tail off 3 days a week at therapy. He is also able to move his legs a little bit. Using his hips he can move his knees together slightly and he can draw up his knees just slightly. My dad is really working to get better strength and control in his hands. Each extra little thing that he can do is just huge and can lead to great things for him. Last year my dad was released from the hospital the day before Thanksgiving. We had to feed him his dinner. This year he will be able to feed himself, and he is strong enough that we will be able to remove the sides of his wheelchair so that he can come all the way up to the table. He has come a long way since last year, and for that we are very thankful. My parents are coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. (For those who don't know, last year my dad fell and broke his neck in 3 places. He is now a quadriplegic.)

Thanks so much for all of the kind comments and emails that you have sent to me welcoming me back. Even Brian tells me almost every day that he is so glad that I am back. And a special thanks to Sunny, Kristen, and Baby Step for passing along the Blogger Flame of Fortitude to me. It was very thoughtful.

Feelin' the Love

Yup, that would be me, feelin' the love. Thanks for the outpouring of support both in the form of comments and personal emails in response to my last post. I truly, truly appreciate it!

My friend Meghan sent me an email that really made a point that I hadn't considered before. I liked it so much that (with her permission) I am sharing it here.

The bottom line is this... you are meant to be a Mom. I always viewed it like this.. if a child dies or leaves this world before their parent, a mother is still a mother. I believe it is that way before a child is brought into this world as well. It's like DNA...it's already there. For me, the vision of a cherub baby waiting on a cloud somewhere in heaven for his or her right time to come to me, gave me hope. Knowing that one way or another we would have that family, took a little of the sting out of IVF. For me, I sometimes felt like I was betraying my IVF cycle if I had any thoughts of adoption. I know now that there's no truth in that. As long as you are committed to blooming into the Mom that you already are, that baby is going to come one way or another. I got a good laugh at your comment on your blog... "I am reduced to a sniveling, sniffly pile of goo upon the floor". I just have to tell you that even if you do find yourself there (speaking from my prior days in goo-ville), it will lead you to a place you could've never imagined. My life changed 180% the day Vince and I decided to go forward with adoption. I swear it was like someone lifted the incredible burden I had carried around EVERYWHERE with me for the last 4+ years. No one could have prepared me for the relief, peace, and excitement I would feel in closing the door to infertility and opening the other to adoption. I still wonder why and if at times but the constant heartache & pain has faded, it doesn't really matter, my daughter is waiting.

So, hang tight girl! You have everything to be optimistic about. Your body wants to be pregnant (it's already said so) and you're in the care of a great doctor & acupuncturist who are going to do everything they can to make it all work for you. You have every right to have this first time work, so envision that! As for the delay in it all, that could just be fate. If you believe that everything happens for a reason, then that baby has his or her own destiny and it has to come at just the right time.

These were just some of the many words that I needed to hear. And it has given me a little change in perspective on the whole thing and makes it seem all the more doable. So, I'm going to continue clutching onto these good thoughts, as well as all of the others that have been shared with me, and carry them with me through the rest of this journey, wherever it takes us.

And one last thought, tomorrow, Friday, marks the one year anniversary of the day my Dad had his accident, of the day we almost lost him. I do consider ourselves blessed that we have had all of this extra bonus time with him, even though so many aspects of life are so different and difficult now. But I do long for how things should have been.

Happy Blogiversary

Happy Blogiversary to me! I started this blog one year ago when life was vastly different from how it is today. I never could have imagined the twists and turns life has thrown our way over the past year. Let me count the ways . . .

1) I started this blog solely for our family and friends. I wasn't working, hadn't met many people here in Arizona, was just starting infertility treatments, and I wanted a way to reach out to my friends and still keep in touch. Also, I realized that maybe not everyone wanted to receive regular newsy emails from me. This blog format allows people to read when they want to and not have my ramblings forced upon them.

2) Within a week of starting the blog my dad suffered his terrible accident. I simply cannot believe that it is almost a year since he has stood, or walked, or combed his hair, or dialed a phone, or countless other things. I used this blog to help update friends and family during that horrible time. Going back and reading about that is sad.

3) Eventually I started writing about our struggles with infertility. I didn't at first, but I guess after a while I just decided that I needed more support than I could muster on my own. I wanted my friends and family to know what was going on with us, but it was just too hard to have the same conversation with everyone. So, I typed.

4) When it became evident that IVF was going to be in our future I began exploring other blogs written by women suffering from infertility. I found a lot of kindred spirits, people who understood exactly what I was feeling and could often explain it better than me. It made me feel like I wasn't quite such a nut. I found hope, and lots of it.

5) Then, surprise, I was pregnant! I celebrated here. It was a wonderful time to be blogging.

6) Sadly, I miscarried. When I couldn't cry anymore, and I couldn't talk anymore, I could type. And I found amazing support which really helped me get through the worst of it.

7) While finding the support I needed during that awful time I also realized that my words were helpful to others. It helped to know that what I was going through might be helpful to someone else in a dark time.

8) I have kept this honest, perhaps giving too much information, in the hopes that I can be passing along a little bit of understanding both to people I know, and to people I don't know.

9) And I continue to keep my real life friends and family informed, and I continue to make cyber friends and try to offer support and hope, not only to others, but it builds in me as I offer it.

So, whether you are a real life friend reading, or a new cyber friend reading, please continue along on this journey with me. Please continue to share in the comments, I really love the feedback, or drop me an email. I need my friends now more than ever. I'm really hoping that by my next Blogiversary I have many more blessings to write about (especially the kind that cry and coo) and that there is far less heartache to write about.

And lastly, thanks so much for the ongoing support, kind words, and prayers. It means the world to me, and makes Phoenix seem a lot less lonely, even though I'm hundreds or thousands of miles away from you.

First Look at Baby Mayer

Yesterday's doctor appointment went very well. The ultrasound showed a perfectly normal pregnancy and my doctor was able to see all of the structures that he needed to. Don't ask me how, I guess that is why he gets paid the big bucks. The black spot in the center of the picture, surrounded by white, is the beginnings of Baby Mayer. I go back at the end of next week for another ultrasound at which time we should be able to see the heartbeat. And in the meantime, we are looking at a due date of December 6th.

In other news, my dad is doing much better now. The hospital discharged him last Thursday and he was very happy to get home. However, there was some other exciting news while he was in the hospital. He was able to move his toes! He can move all of them on his left foot quite a bit, and even move the right ones a little bit. My dad also reported that he can feel his left calf muscle and he has also gotten back some more sensation in his lower back. We are looking forward to him resuming therapy at a new rehab center in the coming weeks.

Brian, Molly and I went back to California for the Easter holiday weekend. We drove out late Friday night and stayed with his parents. On Saturday I met up with Kari and Glenna at my favorite tea house in San Juan Capistrano. We were also able to see Connie, Missy, their aunts and cousin who were there celebrating a family event. It was a great way to spend the afternoon in the company of friends. On Saturday night Brian and I went to an Angel game. We had amazing seats and it felt good to be "home". Brian was on Cloud 9 and just couldn't get enough! On Sunday morning we all went to Brian's grandma's house, along with Stephanie, Eric and the boys. We watched/helped Logan and Caiden with their Easter egg hunt and then we all enjoyed the traditional Easter breakfast together. Brian and I and his parents spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing at the house. In the evening Brian and I drove down to see Eric, Kari and Ashley. Ashley took great pride in showing me her big girl bed as well as her kitchen set. She also delighted in showing me the baby's room and showing me the crib where he will sleep. Then she pointed out the rocker and explained that daddy would be sleeping there. It sure was news to Eric!

Then Monday morning we were on the road by 7am and home by noon, and that was in spite of 3 potty stops for me. We had time to unpack the car and shower before heading off to the doctor's office. After the appointment we drove to downtown Phoenix and walked around before having dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. Afterwards we walked over to the baseball stadium to enjoy the Diamondbacks opening day game. It was a beautiful night and we were very glad that they had the roof open. And, to top it off, the D-Backs won.

I'm going to spend today going to the gym and working on various household chores. As soon as I get our bedroom put back together I can take and post a picture of our latest completed project. That's a whole other story!

Yup, it's true!

I went to the doctor this morning in the wee early hours for a blood test. After a really long 8 hour wait the nurse called me. Yup, I'm really pregnant! My numbers were most excellent and it is unnecessary for me to go back for follow up blood work. Next Monday they are having me come back for an ultrasound. Finally, an ultrasound I can look forward to! Finally, an ultrasound that my insurance will pay for! Finally, my doctor visits are classified as "prenatal"!

In other news, my dad is sick again. He came down with a cold on Friday nights and by Saturday was pretty sick with a fever and lots of chest congestion. He really couldn't eat or drink. By Sunday morning he was worse so the paramedics had to take him to the hospital. He stayed overnight, and is staying tonight too. We don't know how much longer he will be there because they don't really know what's wrong with him yet. It looks like both a kidney infection and some type of lung infection. So, please send some prayers and good wishes his way.

Baseball with Dad

Today Brian, my dad, and I went to the Brewers/Angels Spring Training Game at Maryvale Stadium thanks to the kindness and generousity of our friends the Dobbins. It was a great day to take in a ballgame! The temperature this afternoon was 95 degrees, but as you can see we had seats in the shade so we were really quite comfortable. My dad was wearing his Miller Lite pants today and got many compliments on them from beer fans at the stadium. A couple of foul balls came our way but nothing to be concerned about. We left the game just a little bit early to avoid all of the exit traffic. After getting back to our end of town we had about an hour and a half to relax before it was off to the Coyotes hockey game for Brian and me. Ya just gotta love March . . . baseball and hockey on the same day!

Baseball, Binkies, and Blessings

This weekend was a lot of fun. Eric, Kari and Ashley stayed with us and Kari's parents were in town as well. We had everyone to our house for dinner on Friday night. Kari so wonderfully prepared lasagna, salad, garlic bread and lemon bars for all of us. Yum! We also got to enjoy Ashley's antics. She insisted on wearing her bathing suit and splashing on the first step of the pool. The water isn't even 70 degrees! After that she refused to wear any clothes until finding a purple princess dress in the "dress up" drawer in the "fishy" room. And of course she completed the ensemble with the accessory of choice, her binky. Then she raced around the kitchen on her bike. I think we all wound up more tired than her.

On Saturday all of the guys headed out to Surprise Stadium to see a Spring Training game between the Royals and the Cubs. I know that my dad really enjoyed getting to a live game and being out in the nice weather. As Brian will attest, no hotdog is better than the first dog of the season! In fact, my dad enjoyed it so much that Brian and I are taking him to another game on Thursday. This time we are going to see the Brewers and the Angels.

However, the high point of the weekend, of the past six months actually, happened after everyone left town on Sunday. My dad was able to move his right thumb! He can only move it a little bit, and he isn't ready for thumb wrestling, but this is huge! We now have so much more hope that he will get back more movement in that thumb, as well as other fingers.

So, all in all, a great weekend.

My Dad's New Wheels

This post is a little overdue, but I wanted to share what's going on with my dad. A couple of days after New Year's my mom and dad bought a Dodge Grand Caravan complete with an auto ramp. Now they are free to go to doctor appointments and errands on their own time, rather than relying on volunteer transportation. My mom is doing a great job navigating the van, and my dad is doing a great job of getting himself in and out of the van. It takes about 10 minutes to get him in or out of the van, and the biggest challenge is making sure that he doesn't smack his head on the way in or out. Sometimes the clearance is a little tight! My dad also got his new wheelchair about a month ago. It seems to be working pretty well for him, but there are still some things that need to be added to and adjusted on the chair.

The biggest news is that my dad started outpatient rehab at a local hospital for occupational and physical therapy. He goes three times a week for two hours at a time. He is already making improvements! This is really encouraging as it means he is on the road to learning how to do some activities independently. And, as long as he makes progress he will continue to receive therapy. Right now he is learning how to feed himself. He has also learned how to turn pages of a magazine so he can read and browse through his train magazines.

His CarePage has been updated, and has a couple of other photos as well. My parents are also planning more updates. My dad still receives his messages and they really boost his spirits. To visit his CarePage just click on the link on the right hand sidebar, or go to CarePages.com and once you get there click on "visit a carepage". If you aren't signed up with them currently it only takes a minute. To visit my dad's page after you are signed in you have to enter "BobKohl" without any spaces. Thanks so much for your continued support, love and prayers.

Where Has January Gone?

Oh wow! Where has January gone? Have I been in a coma or something? No, in fact, I have just been working like mad and just plain, old fashioned busy. First of all, if you are reading this you know that I changed my Blog title and address. I feel it more accurately reflects me and where I am at in this journey called life. Also, a particular adjective (very) was starting to feel very over done. (Not to mention that I have this particular sentiment tatooed on my body, so that should indicate how important it is to me.) I think I emailed everyone with the change, but if anyone mentions to you that they can't find my Blog please share the new addres. But I digress, and let me get back to finding out what happened to January. First of all, Phoenix has been downright cold! Ice in the fountains, wear long pants and a jacket, turn up the heat kind of cold. Even snowfall! Am I complaining? Not a chance! I'm loving it and will try with all my heart to remember it this summer when it hits 115 degrees.

As I hinted at the beginning, I have been working quite a bit this month. I have only turned down jobs four days since school started up after the winter break. All sub days have been good ones as well, and most have been at my old school so I have been able to socialize with friends, and that always makes for a good day. Plus, it can't hurt to earn a little bit of cash. And truthfully, the distraction has been great.

As for what's up with my parents . . . they are still adjusting, but things are moving along. They bought a wheelchair accessible mini-van at the beginning of the month. It has been really nice that they can get out and do things at their convenience. My dad also got his new wheelchair a couple of weeks ago and it is a huge improvement over the loaner that he had been using. The best news of all is that at the beginning of the month my dad got a new mattress that always moves just a little big to give him pressure relief. This is such a huge deal because it means my mom doesn't have to move him every 2 hours whenever he is in bed, so they are both getting better rest. My dad will also be starting outpatient rehab as soon as he is evaluated so we are hoping for better strength and movement then.

We also had a visit from Eric, Kari and Ashley and that is always fun and keeps us on our toes. I just love this picture (which was taken at some ungodly early hour in the morning) because my two favorite girl-babies are just so adorable!

Eric even made a trip out by himself for a couple of days to help out at my parent's house. My dad bought a giant plasma screen tv and Eric was helping to re-arrange furniture and organize some things. It also allowed my mom and I to hit the mall on a rainy afternoon and spend some quality time together shopping and having lunch.

Even though it has been cold, we are found it to be perfect walking weather. Brian and I walk together in the evenings before dinner. It is so relaxing to be able to chat and get caught up on the events of the day. Many mornings I also head out for a walk, usually beginning at O-dark-hundred. But I have a great time since I have programmed my iPod. It's my favorite time of day to listen to praise music and gets my day off to a great start.

At the beginning of the month I realized that I hadn't exactly been following doctor's orders about relaxing. So, I made the decision to delay further treatment for a month. I feel I've made a good effort to relax and not worry so much, and am gearing up to start another round of treatment at the end of next week.

Lastly, I so appreciate your prayers. It means so much to me when friends tell me they have been continuing to pray for us. That said, I appreciate your continued prayers for total healing and recovery for my dad, strength and patience for all of us, and 2 lines on a pee-stick for me.

Bob's December Update

It has been a while since I have written about my dad, and I think partly it is because I don't really have anything very encouraging to say. My dad has really been enjoying being at home, and we have enjoyed having him at home. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of challenges, but he and my mom are settling into a routine. Days are very long, but not much is accomplished. Neither my mom or dad sleeps for more than about and hour and a half at a time. My dad needs to be moved every 2 hours that he is in bed. My mom works around the clock and is so very tired and just plain worn out. She spends a great deal of time making appointments and arranging transportation and scheduling help to come to the house. Brian and I do what we can, helping around the house and helping to care for my dad. Lately my dad and I have been going down the street to the mailbox together so that he can practice driving his chair. He gets therapy at the house a couple of times a week, but it is not enough to help him make progress. In fact, he is slowly losing some of the ability that he has. We try to stretch and range him as much as possible, but our efforts just are not enough. In the meantime, while we wait to see what will be the best way for him to get more therapy, we look forward to spending time together with our family and friends over the holidays.
Visitors are really a great pick me up for my dad and he is a great conversationalist with his guests. Some of their friends from Minnesota are wintering here and have been by several times. I think it is the hightlight of there week when Bob and Linda come around. Eric and Kari and Ashley will be coming out before Christmas and Brian's parents will be coming out on Christmas. We will also be spending some time with Jan, the Orders, and Catherine and Daniel. We are hoping that my dad's sister, Sharon, will be able to come out around New Years. It will be so great to see her and she will be amazed by how good my dad looks and sounds. Please continue to pray for total healing and recovery for my dad, and for strength for my mom.

Finally Something to Say

So it seems I haven't had much to say over the past couple of weeks. Better mark that down in the record books. I have just been plugging along seeking out order during a time that really doesn't seem to have any from one day to the next. Not very comforting for someone who craves and thrives on order. So, it's certainly been a lesson on living in the moment and letting things go.

My dad continues to build up strength, though he hasn't gotten back any new muscle movement. That is really hard, as frustration is setting in and reality is coming into focus. We are preparing to bring him home in a couple of weeks, right before Thanksgiving. My mom is learning how to take over all of his daily care needs and I am learning how to do his stretches and move him, without hurting either of us. Ramps are being built at the house and medical equipment is being ordered. At some point some bathroom renovation will be necessary and transportation will need to be purchased. There is also a long laundry list of medical complications my dad faces as a result of being a quadriplegic. Blood clots, bladder infections, skin breakdown, blood pressure inconsistency and all sorts of nasty things. It's bad enough that he can't walk or use his hands, but it breaks my heart to think of the suffering he will have for the remainder of his days.

We took another stab at the whole baby making thing this month. The cyst I had on my ovary was finally gone so that began a week of fertility medications. By the end of it I was a stark raving mad lunatic, and poor Brian had the misfortune of saying a couple of things that really ought not to have been said to someone subjected to such quantities of hormones. I had an IUI one week ago, and we have another week of waiting before we know if it worked or not. I'm not sure if it's all of the medication, or just the realities of life with infertility, but my mood seems to change moment to moment, from hopeful optimism to despair, then back to hopeful and then another turn to despair just when I'm happy being hopeful. If this doesn't work we will have to go down the IVF path, and I don't even want to think about that right now.
A year ago I had absolutely no interest in it and it seemed an unnecessary, unreasonable path to parenthood. Now it is looking likely and seeming completely reasonable and as necessary as air to breathe. I know that several of my friends have been down this path. My heart ached for them when it was their turn, but now it simply breaks knowing the full extent of what they went through. To those who haven't personally been down this path, please don't tell me to just relax. Please don't tell me that it will all work out. Please don't tell me about what happened to a friend of a friend's cousin twice removed. It makes me feel like I am unjustified in my feelings, and quite frankly, it ruins my pity party just a bit. Just listen to me rant and rave and remind me that in 10 minutes when the hormones shift I will see things differently and remember that God does have a plan for us. Even if He is taking His own sweet time about things. So, God, please grant me patience. Right now!

Happy Halloween

I got a call to sub on Halloween. Having taught for so many years I'm no fool. I said "NO"! What a feeling of freedom that was! I used to like teaching on Halloween. The kids could dress up and there was lots of fun stuff to do all day, even if the kids were squirrelly with excitement. Here, in Arizona, "Halloween" is a bad word in the schools. Kids are not allowed to dress up for a parade at the beginning of the day and NO parties are allowed. Political correctness stinks in a state where natives like to pride themselves on their rebellious nature. So, how did I celebrate my new found freedom? Like all full blooded American Halloween lovers, I dressed up Molly and took her to the hospital to visit my dad. Then I dressed him up too! Actually, I just added a clown wig, but since I have never seen my dad in costume before that was enough of a change. After we got home I had a tutoring session and Molly got to play with her favorite little girl, Sarah. A little while later, we had our first trick-or-treaters, Jake (I tutor him) and his little sister. Molly was more than a little afraid of Jake with his mask and hat on.
We stayed home passing out candy and scaring little kids with our hyper dog, still in costume. After the last trick-or-treaters left my mom and her friend came over and we all watched Boston Legal. Go Denny Crane!

Time Flies

Wow, I can't believe it has been almost a week since my last post! My, how time flies! I can't even blame it on work, since I only worked two days last week. However, Friday at work seemed to last forever. It was not a pleasant day. I subbed for a teacher who left NO plans, not even a TE in sight or anything else that even remotely looked like work. Not only that, she didn't even leave a schedule, class list, attendance cards or anything. It made for a very stressful day, especially for somebody (that would be ME) who in known for planning everything down to the last detail. But, I've gotten off track so I will try to find it again.

I spent last Monday and Tuesday at the hospital visiting my dad. I did housework on Wednesday, but Brian went to see him that evening and they got to do some male bonding over sports. Later my dad's roommate reported how much my dad enjoyed Brian's visit. That was so good to hear. Brian has just been super wonderful through all of this! I am so lucky! We didn't go up there on Thursday or Friday, but we did take Brian's dad and my mom up for a visit on Saturday. I forgot to mention, he had his feeding tube changed to a smaller one during the week. He is now better able to breath and swallow and has been eating much more. He looks great! On Sunday we all visited again, plus brought along Brian's Aunt Jacquie and Carlos. This morning it is back to work for him. A little later this morning I am picking up Eric from the airport and we will make a stop at the hospital before heading back to Goodyear. I think Eric will be amazed at how good dad looks from the last time he saw him in Milwaukee. Kari and Ashley are flying out on Thursday, and I know Ashley is looking forward to seeing Papa Bob, and I know the feeling is definitely mutual!

My dad has been telling us about his therapy. They have been working with electical stimulation of his hand. When he tries to do it on his own the therapist can feel the muscles in his arm and hand working. Hopefully it's just a matter of time before it comes back. My dad also reported that he has more range and ability in his wrists. It's all very encouraging and he is hopeful about the future.

I have an address for sending him mail, remember, postcards would be a most appreciated choice!

St. Joseph's Hospital and Medical Center
Attn. Neuro Rehab
Robert Kohl, patient
Room 21/1
350 W. Thomas Road
Phoenix, AZ 85013

Plugging Along

My dad seems to be getting a little more settled at the hospital. He had finally rested up from the trip and was ready to work and it was the weekend. Not much happens there on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday brought him a short therapy session, but he had nothing on Sunday. St. Joseph's sets aside Sunday for a day of rest. Guess that is the difference between the Catholics and Lutherans. However, weekdays are a totally different story, it is quite busy around there! He seems happier now that he is having more therapy sessions. He has been having speech therapy, occupational therapy and physical therapy and they pretty well tire him out. Hopefully by this Sunday he will be ready to rest! Today he was going to have the large feeding tube in his nose replaced by a much smaller one that will allow him to swallow more easily when he eats. As soon as he can get most of his nutrition from his food then the tube will be removed entirely. My dad got an electric chair yesterday and is able to power himself around the halls and attend to his own pressure relief. I have to give him a ton of credit, he is quite the trooper! Please continue to pray for his total recovery and healing. And if you can, give him a call or send him a note. I think it gets pretty lonely there at times.

Catching Up

It seems that my life theme for the past couple of days has been "catching up", and that isn't really a bad thing. I had things like banking, cleaning and laundry to catch up on, but those are pretty mundane things, and really nothing worth writing about.

My friend Connie came out from California for the weekend. We did lots of catching up! We didn't do anything too exciting, just some shopping and driving around and visiting my dad, but mostly we just gabbed and giggled as one can only do with an old girlfriend.

Since my dad got back to Phoenix we have done lots of catching up. When he has been rested up he has had lots to talk about, and it's been great. He has had some catching up to do as well. There is a lot of adjustment involved in getting used to a new hospital and new caretakers. The flight exhausted him and he had to catch up on lots of rest. He has been settled into a new room, closer to the nurses station and with a roommate he can talk to, however, the roommate is out of the room most of the time. I brought in the little local newspaper today to try to catch him up on the local news. He likes the fact that it looks like the Cleveland Indians will be coming to Goodyear for Spring Training. Come to think of it, Brian and I like it as well since it will be within walking distance of our house!

OH!!!! I almost forgot! My dad aced his swallow test on Friday! The feeding tube is still in his nose, but he is able to eat! He is starting out really slow because he doesn't want to take any chances on getting sick again. He ate a meal on Friday night (just a few tablespoons) and 3 meals yesterday (just a few tablespoons each time) but he ate about 40% of his breakfast today. Hopefully the feeding tube will be removed in the next day or so. That will improve his breathing and his swallowing and I'm sure will give him such a boost. If your haven't sent him a postcard yet or posted a message to his care page in a while, please consider doing so. You have just no idea what boost to him these outpourings of support are. And please continue to pray for recovery and healing for him.

My mom has also been playing catch up. As you can imagine, being away from the house for a month has left lots of things to do. Can you visualize the pileup of mail? Ugh! Also remember that they hadn't really settled into the house yet either. There are still tons of boxes piled up and furniture to arrange and pictures to hang. Plus, she has catching up to do with friends and family who are all eager for news of my dad and to help. She also has tons to learn about living with and caring for someone with a spinal cord injury.

So as you can see, "catching up" has been the theme for all of us, and it really isn't a bad thing at all. I do look forward to catching up with many of you, so please don't hesitate to drop me a note or post a comment.