Yup, that would be me, feelin' the love. Thanks for the outpouring of support both in the form of comments and personal emails in response to my last post. I truly, truly appreciate it!
My friend Meghan sent me an email that really made a point that I hadn't considered before. I liked it so much that (with her permission) I am sharing it here.
The bottom line is this... you are meant to be a Mom. I always viewed it like this.. if a child dies or leaves this world before their parent, a mother is still a mother. I believe it is that way before a child is brought into this world as well. It's like DNA...it's already there. For me, the vision of a cherub baby waiting on a cloud somewhere in heaven for his or her right time to come to me, gave me hope. Knowing that one way or another we would have that family, took a little of the sting out of IVF. For me, I sometimes felt like I was betraying my IVF cycle if I had any thoughts of adoption. I know now that there's no truth in that. As long as you are committed to blooming into the Mom that you already are, that baby is going to come one way or another. I got a good laugh at your comment on your blog... "I am reduced to a sniveling, sniffly pile of goo upon the floor". I just have to tell you that even if you do find yourself there (speaking from my prior days in goo-ville), it will lead you to a place you could've never imagined. My life changed 180% the day Vince and I decided to go forward with adoption. I swear it was like someone lifted the incredible burden I had carried around EVERYWHERE with me for the last 4+ years. No one could have prepared me for the relief, peace, and excitement I would feel in closing the door to infertility and opening the other to adoption. I still wonder why and if at times but the constant heartache & pain has faded, it doesn't really matter, my daughter is waiting.
So, hang tight girl! You have everything to be optimistic about. Your body wants to be pregnant (it's already said so) and you're in the care of a great doctor & acupuncturist who are going to do everything they can to make it all work for you. You have every right to have this first time work, so envision that! As for the delay in it all, that could just be fate. If you believe that everything happens for a reason, then that baby has his or her own destiny and it has to come at just the right time.
These were just some of the many words that I needed to hear. And it has given me a little change in perspective on the whole thing and makes it seem all the more doable. So, I'm going to continue clutching onto these good thoughts, as well as all of the others that have been shared with me, and carry them with me through the rest of this journey, wherever it takes us.
And one last thought, tomorrow, Friday, marks the one year anniversary of the day my Dad had his accident, of the day we almost lost him. I do consider ourselves blessed that we have had all of this extra bonus time with him, even though so many aspects of life are so different and difficult now. But I do long for how things should have been.