Since I've Been Gone

Well, I haven't really been gone, but I have been a little absent from blogging for a few days, and I just simply couldn't come up with a better title. Sometimes there just isn't a good title that comes to mind at the beginning of the post. Sometimes something will come to me by the end and then I will pick a title. For now, I'm doing the title first.

I spent Friday just getting stuff done around the house and then running around with my mom in the afternoon. We were going to try to see a movie or go to a casino, but we got held up at the nursing home when details about my dad's upcoming discharge started falling apart.

Oh, I also had a little pity party and meltdown due to the impending IVF cycle. Sometimes it just seems like it couldn't possibly work the FIRST time, and that's all I've got. Sometimes I just feel like it is nothing more than a ginormous emotional shredding that I am required to go through in order to convince everyone that I really have done everything possible to have a baby before moving on to something where I really will bring home a real live baby, like adoption. I feel like adoption won't be an acceptable alternative until I am reduced to a sniveling, sniffly pile of goo upon the floor.

On Saturday Brian and I lazed around the house in the morning and then we went to a casino with my mom. My luck with the slot machines is no better than my luck to conceive and maintain a pregnancy. However, by the end of the day I was only out $65. And it was a lot more fun than a bottle of Clomid. Actually, that was a really bad example because even a can of lima beans is a lot more fun than a bottle of Clomid. And I really hate lima beans.

On Sunday Brian and I did all sorts of running around, but now I can't even really remember what it was all about. Hmmmm.

I worked at the school yesterday doing reading assessments and then yesterday afternoon I had 3 tutoring sessions at home. At the tail end of that Brian called to say that he wanted me to meet him at the Ford dealership because there was a car he was interested in. So, I went down there and three hours later we left with an 'o6 Explorer (Eddie Bauer) with less than 11,000 miles on it. We left behind our Explorer with 130,000 miles on it. The new car is white, with tan exterior trim and tan leather within. It looks brand new and has all the bells and whistles, including 3rd row seating and a sun/moon roof. Being the ever hopeful infertile, I even asked about the child safety features. I'll share a picture some other time.

As for today, I worked at the school today and had an afternoon of tutoring sessions.

And now for the cycle related portion of this post. Consider yourself forewarned . . . if you have no interest now would be a good time to just skip along. That's OK, I'll wait. Everyone ready? I'm at day 21 (and today is the 21st, how appropriate) and with my little 'ole regular cycle that means by next Tuesday I'll be calling the nurse to start the IVF cycle. Unless. Unless lightning really can strike twice. You know what the "lightning" is. The one and only thing that could put off impending IVF. That's right. A pee stick with the magic word. Not two words. Just one. It's all I need. It will be a good start on what I want. However, I'm really relaxed this two week wait and not obsessing at all (except, I have noticed that the "girls" are already sore, and what's up with that? I haven't had PMS symptoms since the miscarriage.) My head knows that there is nothing to be hopeful about. My heart never got the message. Nonetheless, I'm not totally making myself crazy.

Oh, and the meltdown a few days ago? It went as quickly as it came. (With all these mood swings one would suspect Clomid was involved, but I haven't had any all year. I swear.) IVF really IS my best option, not my last option. And it really can work on the first try. I have a friend in real life with that claim to fame, and adorable twin boys to back it up. So, while I am addicted to blog stories, particularly relating to infertility and miscarriage, I would really like to focus on finding some where IVF really did work the first time. If you can help with referrals, or if you yourself are such a mythical creature, please share with me!