Post Number 500

Yup, you read that correctly. This is my 500th post since opening my blog just a little over 4 years ago. It sounds like such a short amount of time, and in the grand scheme of life I suppose it it. However, within that short amount of time so very, very much has happened. Maybe "happened" isn't even the right word . . .

What is the word for things that happen on the inside of you? For things that cause you to feel more emotions and intensity than you ever have before?

When I started this blog I was still adjusting to our new home state. I was still mourning my old school and my long time friends and the beach. I was a little bored and wanted a way to update all we had left behind. I was hopeful for what was to come.

And I blogged a little about it.

We had just been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I was naive enough to believe that pumping myself full of fertility medications and enduring countless procedures would really work.

I blogged a little bit more.

Not long after my dad suffered his accident, leaving him to live as a total-assist quadriplegic and forever changing the dynamics of our family. It's been a real kick in the gut for all of us, and I don't think that those outside of our immediate family really understand and care about all of the ramifications.

The blogging just kept going.

Just when the doom and gloom seemed most hopeless, a ray of sunshine appeared. A surprise pregnancy. Hope had returned and I truly believed that everything would be sunshine and roses and all of our despair was in the past. How wrong I was.

I blogged and blogged and practically shouted from the rooftops!

A miscarriage at 1o weeks brought us to our lowest low and my greatest feelings of inadequacy. I couldn't sleep and spent my nights trolling the internet. It was then that I found this wonderful community who not only understood and supported me as nobody else could, but led to some wonderful friendships.

And I blogged with ferocity. And slowly the despair changed to hope.

More invasive procedures and financial stress. More failure and loss of hope. Finally arriving ready to pursue adoption and jumping through all the hoops.

And more blogging, both to help inform those around us and to have an honest record for those who would come along later looking for the information and hope that was so hard for us to come by.

I returned to teaching and Brian and I began doing what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it, no longer putting life on hold. It was really pretty nice, and a great change from how we had been living.

And then Andrew burst upon our scene, with only a few weeks notice.

And my blogging has continued, though I realize that much of it is just plain gushing over my beautiful boy.

But the friendships have grown as my boy has. My emotional self has been stretched from dark lows to incredible highs, and every place in between.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that these 500 posts have taken me far further emotionally than anything else ever has. These 500 posts have been through a lot of living, feeling, and growing, and hopefully I've come out of it a better person. And hopefully you've considered it time well spent.

A Little Thrill

I was browsing through some of the blogs that I like to check in on . . . . and I happily stumbled upon quite a little thrill for me. I found that my blog is listed on a blogroll as "Mommy Bloggers I Follow". Me. My blog. A mom blog. A place I thought I would never be. A place that still doesn't seem real. I place I am so happy and honored to be.

As much as I love making appearances on blogrolls, the discovery of this one was especially sweet. Thanks Kristen, you totally made my day.

Commenting on Comments

Wow, I just have to comment on some of the wonderful comments I've received after my last post. I'm just amazed by all of the wonderful support I get from both people I know in real life and those from the bloggy world. It's so great to know that everything I'm going through is completely normal and that my adjustments that I'm facing are really quite universal. Sometimes I'm leery of sharing certain things for fear that others won't understand, or that some people may make judgments about what I share. However, I have a fantastic group of pals here who always let me know that I'm not alone, and I truly appreciate that. Leah, Fertilized, Delenn, Here I Am, Kelli and Laurie are all right here with me in the trenches reassuring me that things are going well. Chicklet, Janna, LJ, and Hope548 will be here with me in the trenches soon, and are so very supportive even while going through their own struggles. And Linda Luna, your kind words really meant a lot to me. I can't wait until you and Bob are back in Arizona for the winter.

I also had a commenter who may need some clarification on something I said. "Anonymous" wrote: Every experience with every child is different. It's o.k. for your experience to be different from many of your friends and acquaintances, but their stories and admonitions don't make them bad people. Relish the fact that your new baby has been easy and a joy and keep your fingers crossed that you're just as lucky the next time around.

First of all, I know that experiences with children differ, and that my experience may be different from some that I know. However, I am not at all bothered by stories from my friends and acquaintances. In fact, I gleam lots of helpful information from them, plus I really enjoy the stories. Admonitions I take with a grain of salt, simply because experiences and children are different. I never said, or implied, that those with different experiences who share stories and admonitions are "bad people". All I said was that I felt like my parade was being rained on when certain comments were made. What I didn't say, but maybe should have, is that after the journey we have traveled things like sleepless nights due to a real live baby aren't going to get me down too much. It's what we have been praying for and would give anything in the world to have. If we are lucky enough to have a "next time around" that is where the joy will come from . . . the fact that there is a "next time around". The joy won't come from having an easy baby, but rather from having a BABY, easy or not.

And now, here's another picture of our joy, along with one of his great-grandmas. Can you believe it, Andrew has 3 great-grandmas!