Yup, you read that correctly. This is my 500th post since opening my blog just a little over 4 years ago. It sounds like such a short amount of time, and in the grand scheme of life I suppose it it. However, within that short amount of time so very, very much has happened. Maybe "happened" isn't even the right word . . .
What is the word for things that happen on the inside of you? For things that cause you to feel more emotions and intensity than you ever have before?
When I started this blog I was still adjusting to our new home state. I was still mourning my old school and my long time friends and the beach. I was a little bored and wanted a way to update all we had left behind. I was hopeful for what was to come.
And I blogged a little about it.
We had just been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I was naive enough to believe that pumping myself full of fertility medications and enduring countless procedures would really work.
I blogged a little bit more.
Not long after my dad suffered his accident, leaving him to live as a total-assist quadriplegic and forever changing the dynamics of our family. It's been a real kick in the gut for all of us, and I don't think that those outside of our immediate family really understand and care about all of the ramifications.
The blogging just kept going.
Just when the doom and gloom seemed most hopeless, a ray of sunshine appeared. A surprise pregnancy. Hope had returned and I truly believed that everything would be sunshine and roses and all of our despair was in the past. How wrong I was.
I blogged and blogged and practically shouted from the rooftops!
A miscarriage at 1o weeks brought us to our lowest low and my greatest feelings of inadequacy. I couldn't sleep and spent my nights trolling the internet. It was then that I found this wonderful community who not only understood and supported me as nobody else could, but led to some wonderful friendships.
And I blogged with ferocity. And slowly the despair changed to hope.
More invasive procedures and financial stress. More failure and loss of hope. Finally arriving ready to pursue adoption and jumping through all the hoops.
And more blogging, both to help inform those around us and to have an honest record for those who would come along later looking for the information and hope that was so hard for us to come by.
I returned to teaching and Brian and I began doing what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it, no longer putting life on hold. It was really pretty nice, and a great change from how we had been living.
And then Andrew burst upon our scene, with only a few weeks notice.
And my blogging has continued, though I realize that much of it is just plain gushing over my beautiful boy.
But the friendships have grown as my boy has. My emotional self has been stretched from dark lows to incredible highs, and every place in between.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that these 500 posts have taken me far further emotionally than anything else ever has. These 500 posts have been through a lot of living, feeling, and growing, and hopefully I've come out of it a better person. And hopefully you've considered it time well spent.