The Blogosphere is a LifeSaver and You Can Be Too

A little over a year ago I was drowning in the sea of infertility. And I felt alone. Very alone. Here in Arizona I didn't have many friends, and those I had were quite fertile. Nobody understood, or even if they did, they really couldn't encourage or comfort me. I took to blog hopping and began connecting with others who truly did know what I was going through. After my miscarriage in May I relied upon these bloggy buddies to give me hope. I found an amazing bunch of bloggers, brought together and connected by the one and only Melissa, aka Stirrup Queen . Over the past year I have been through ups and downs, both my own and those of my bloggy buddies. And from here I can see that I am a much better person for it. As awful and heartbreaking as things have been, I'm glad to have lived through it.

And now I have a favor to ask. Please click on the box to the right to find out how you can help the March of Dimes by donating to "Team on the Road" organized by the amazing Melissa, aka Stirrup Queen . Read her thoughts, and her mission, and donate to help babies. You will be doing a wonderful thing. And your heart will swell and you will feel wonderful. I do.

Kitchen Facelift

When I moved into my first apartment I didn't have a kitchen table set. I made do with a card table and chairs while I shopped around. My budget was extremely limited and I sure didn't like anything that I could afford. One day my friend Laurie and I were passing time and driving around Los Angeles, Hollywood and Beverly Hills. It was late in the afternoon and we were trying to find our way back to the freeway when we happened upon an "estate sale" on the edge of Beverly Hills. The homeowners were getting ready to haul back inside a kitchen table and 4 chairs. While talking to them I found out that the set dated back to the 30's and that they had refinished and reupholstered the table and chairs. We settled on a price, half what they wanted, but all of what I had on me at the moment. We hauled it back to my apartment and Laurie was a really good sport about giving up quite a bit of personal comfort on our way back to Orange County. The table set served me quite well, as it was, through 4 apartments and finally to my townhouse.

Eventually I had to take it to an antique refinisher to have the chairs re-glued. They were horrified by how dated the entire set looked. So, I decided to have the table top refinished and to have the sides, legs and chairs painted a brick red color and distressed. Then I recovered the chair seats. I liked the look so much that I had my china cabinet (which I acquired off the curb at my parent's neighbor's house) painted the same brick red color and distressed. I must say that I really liked it and my friends always commented about how "Pottery Barn" it looked. Well, in our current house the china cabinet is in our dining room with the big dining room table and the little red table and chairs have been in the kitchen.

Anyhow, this is what it looked like. You may have noticed that there were only 3 chairs. Basically, certain family members (who shall remain nameless) demonstrated extreme difficulty, repeatedly, in being able to stand up without knocking over the chair upon which they were seated. It soon became unrealistic to continue sending chairs back to California to be repaired.

So, I bought new, much heavier and sturdier chairs. Black chairs. And today I painted the table sides and legs black, leaving the original table top. What you can't really see in the picture is that the table top has an inlaid wood border that is really dark, almost black. I'm quite pleased with the finished project and it really quite nicely ties together the entire kitchen.
So? What do you think? And please don't forget to check on the latest poll!

All is Well, I Suppose

Well, things are quite clear now and I am no longer left to wonder. Mostly it's a huge relief, though there was just a tad of disappointment, though I'm not sure if it's true disappointment or just habit. Maybe some of both.

In other news, I finished with our profile book! I'm really excited to be finished with it and I'm really happy with how it turned out. It was really a pretty big undertaking. It is 22 pages in a 12 x 12 scrapbook. Because I am a worrywort I had a color copy of the entire thing made. We will eventually get the original book back, once we have a placement. However, seeing as that could possibly be years down the line I wanted a back up in case something happened to it.

Hope Doesn't Know What to Think Now

And neither do I. It's day 30 and still no sign of Aunt Flo. She hasn't even called to say she's on the way. I took a test yesterday and it said, "Sorry, you are not a winner. Please play again". And yes, I pay extra for sarcastic pregnancy tests.

Ugh. It's an unnerving place to be. Only one other time have I ever been late. In fact, last year it was March 31st when I found out I was pregnant. And here we are on March 25th. It's just too close for comfort. I didn't even think I wanted to be pregnant anymore. Hope isn't the only one who doesn't know what to think anymore.

Indiscriminate Hope

I'm a proponent of Hope. I like Hope. I'm all for it. I've even got some. But wouldn't it be nice if my Hope knew some boundaries? Is that really too much to ask?

Let me give some examples of appropriate appearances of Hope in my life:

I have Hope that we will be led to our child through the adoption process. This is good.

I have Hope that we will figure things out financially. This is good.

I have Hope that full-time teaching will be enjoyable and not too stressful. This may be a stretch, but this is good.

I have Hope that my dad will continue to gain strength and meaningful ability, and that my mom will figure out a way to be happy. This is good.

And now for the inappropriate, indiscriminate Hope:

Despite my best efforts to the contrary, I still have Hopes of getting pregnant naturally. And this is completely ridiculous, especially for this cycle. Especially considering that I was 1,200 miles away from Brian before, during and after my prime time. Just a reminder, but I have been completely unable to achieve a pregnancy while being MUCH closer to Brian during all of the right times, and let's not forget about $30,000 worth of assisted reproductive technologies. This, is decidedly NOT GOOD.

And where does this misguided Hope come from?

First of all, this month last year is when I did get pregnant. Secondly, since my IVF cycle last October my normally 28 day cycles have been about 24-26 days. I'm currently at day 25. I normally have 4 to 5 days of PMS symptoms before even starting, and right now there is nothing. Eerily similar to a year ago.

So as you can see Hope is behaving in a foolishly indiscriminate manner. I'm going to do my best to ignore her. In fact, I've got tons of weeds to pull in the front and back yards, so I best get to it.

Oh, please be sure to check out my latest poll. As for me, I'm a big fan of chocolate. Duh.

Finally Back in Sunny (and warm!) Arizona

Well I'm back and slowly getting back into the swing of things after my trip to the Midwest. Overall it was a good trip, which is a funny thing to say about a trip centered around a funeral. The service was really nice and I enjoyed meeting so many people who loved my grandma. I also had a great stay with my Aunt Sharon and I enjoyed getting to spend some time with my cousin. I also enjoyed taking every opportunity to not so subtly encourage him to get married already. There was lots of work to be done at my grandma's apartment, but I did manage to squeeze in some fun. Nearly every morning I went for a really long walk, and by the third day even ventured out with only one pair of pants on. I had the extra treat of my friend Laurie driving up from Chicago to have lunch with me one afternoon. And, despite all of my worries I didn't freeze to death.

In addition to keeping up with my blog, Brian also did lots of keeping up around the house. I came back to a cleaner house than I left. I also came back to a cleaner car, which was a real treat.

So how did I settle back into things? Why I prepared a proper St. Paddy's Day feast of course! In fact, Brian proclaimed it one of his most favorite meals ever. I made corned beef, potatoes, carrots and cabbage, Irish soda bread and a green cake. And for tonight we get to have Reuben sandwiches. And just wait . . . Friday night we will be having Reuben pizza. Yum. Well, I hope so anyway as we haven't actually had it before, it just sounded good.

Oh, and I came home to one other little piece of good news. Our homestudy has been signed, sealed and delivered. We are now officially "paper pregnant" and the wait begins.

The "Chris Cube" Cometh

Howdy All! Let be start by saying that you all are nuts. There is no way so many of you should be wanting to read anything I write. Only one person was sane enough to vote against me and that person was, of course, me. That said, you asked for it and you got it.

Chris headed off to Milwaukee on Sunday morning. When she called to let me know she had arrived in one piece, the second thing she said was "I'm in trouble." I asked "Why?" and she replied..."The snow is coming down sideways!" Upon her arrival that afternoon the temp. was a cool 25F. Now, I know she didn't choose this time of year to visit the mid-west, but I couldn't help think to myself "Better her than me."

Where was I when she called, you ask? I was sitting in a ballpark in 80 degree weather. However, there was a little breeze and we were in the shade, so I could have put on a sweatshirt if I had wanted to. And yes, in between bites of my hot dog, I was sure to let her know just how "miserable" I was.

Her grandma's funeral was this afternoon. Fortunately it had warmed up to about 40 degrees and was sunny. There was a viewing at the church followed by a service and then on to the cemetery for another quick ceremony, then it was back to the church for the "funeral luncheon." She said that it was all very nice, but it was a very long day. They took some pictures for Chris' dad and the pastor made a tape of his service so Bob would be able to hear it. Bob's not being able to travel for the funeral has been tough on everyone.

The plan for the rest of her visit is to help her Aunt Sharon pack up her grandma's things and get them moved out of the apartment.

I hope that wasn't too bad for my first post. If you're all lucky I'll only have one or two more for you before Chris gets home

What We Don't Want the Adoption Agency to See

Now that I have your attention I should mention that these pictures aren't all that bad, they just highlight some of the goofiness that happens whenever a camera is within reach.

Here's an example of a fun-filled Friday night around our house:

Ashley had selected her own outfit. There is a reason toddlers shouldn't pick out their own clothes. I should also mention that she selected her own accessories . . . notice the crayon protruding from her nose and the phone in her hand. What you can't really see is the blue glitter nail polish on her toes. Quite the ensemble. And knowing Brian, he will dress our child just like this.

Contrary to what this picture shows I am not feeding a toddler to a giraffe. Rather, I'm just helping said toddler to feed the giraffe. And what do giraffe's eat? Well, giraffe food, Silly!

And just so you know, this will be my final post until I return from Milwaukee since I'm not sure what my internet access and time will be like. However, this shouldn't make you sad because Brian has been charged with the task of blogging while I am away. I have no idea what he might write about, but be sure to comment away so that he can feel welcome.

I'm Gonna Be a Chris Cube

Yup. I've come to the chilling (yes, pun intended) realization that my lil warm blooded self is in for a rude awakening upon my arrival in Milwaukee. Yup, I'm going to freeze my ta-tas off. I wonder if it will work for tummy, butt and thigh fat as well?

I've now lived in the Phoenix area for 3 years. And in Southern California for many, many moons before that. I haven't lived in cold weather since I was 9. Shoot, I haven't even visited cold weather much since then. In fact, the last time I was faced with snow was when I went skiing when I was 16. When the temperature here dips into the 30's I think that I am going to freeze much like our landscaping plants. And even when it does dip into the 30's here it usually warms up to the 50's or 60's once the sun is completely up. What will I ever do in a place where the highest temperature I can hope to see is 35?

I wore capris and sandals to work this week. Oh, I wore a jacket in the mornings, but it was long gone by lunchtime. I don't own any boots. 95% of my shoes are either open toe or open back. I have very few tops that will work together as layers. So today I did what any sane person in my position would do. I went shopping. And in the stores, each and every one, I saw shorts, sandals, tanks and swim suits as far as the eye could see. So I looked harder. And found a turtleneck on clearance for $5. And some corduroy pants on clearance too. And a funky cardigan sweater. Brian likes it, so you can only imagine what it looks like. But I will persevere. I'll hit up the mall tomorrow.

As for my plans, I am flying to Milwaukee on Sunday morning, and returning to Phoenix late next Saturday night. I'm certainly going to miss Brian. I haven't been away from him for that long before. And I'll miss my sweet Molly Pie too.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. Oh, and in answer to your questions, my grandma was my dad's mom. She was to have had her birthday next month. My grandma that was showered with cards last month is doing very well. And still enjoying the big ole pile of cards she got to celebrate her birthday.

A Sad Day for my Family

My grandma, my dad's mom (pictured on the left) died. She was 95. And in great health until a couple of weeks ago. Even though we were sort of expecting this, it still happened sooner than we thought. Or at least sooner than I thought.

Eric, Kari and the kids were supposed to be coming out tomorrow, but instead they are on their way today.

Eric and I will be going back to Milwaukee for the funeral, but I will stay for about a week so that I can help my Aunt Sharon and try to be of some support for her.

Understandably, my dad is very sad. Not only for the loss of his mom, but because he can't travel and go back there. That is the hardest part. Not only for him, but for the rest of us as well.