Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Over the Moon Wonderful and Not So Wonderful

First for the "Over the Moon" wonderful part of this post . . . actually, that would be anything having to do with our sweet little Andrew!

Our friends from Washington made Andrew this gorgeous cradle and then drove it down to us last weekend. This picture can't even do it justice, it is just so beautiful. We are just so touched by their thoughtfulness and love for us.

Andrew has also done very well with his frequent feeding schedule. We brought him to the doctor today so he could have his little boy part altered and also found that he is up to a whopping 6 pounds, 3 ounces. That's a little past his birth weight! Now we can loosen up on the feeding schedule and just let him eat when he wants to, rather than forcing him to eat every 2 hours.

We have had only 1 really hard night with Andrew when all he wanted was to be held all night long. Even that wasn't so bad though. We are pretty much enjoying every minute of this. And who can resist this sweet little thing?!?!?!

And now for the "Not So Wonderful" part of this post. I have been holding out on everyone. I know, can you even believe that I was able to keep a secret? I didn't want to say anything earlier and get ahead of myself, and I didn't want to detract from anything about Andrew, but now is the time to open up, because, after all, this is where I am and this is having a definitive impact on our lives right now. In short, I'm waiting to miscarry. I'm 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, but there is no fetal heart activity. Initially we were both overjoyed, and overwhelmed, about being pregnant while adopting Andrew. And now, I'm not sure what I feel. I have another doctor appointment on Thursday at which time we will decide just how to proceed with resolving this. It's a pretty crappy place to be. . . completely ga-ga and over flowing with love for Andrew, yet also mourning what is just not to be.

So, forgive me if posts become scarce over the coming days. I'm trying to just deal, yet remain "in the moment" with B and Andrew.

30 comments:

  1. Hi Chris - this is my 3rd attempt at a comment, blogger isn't cooperating. I'm so sorry to hear about your impending miscarriage, but I hope that Andrew's presence makes it a little bit easier. One thing for sure is that Andrew is meant to be! Hugs

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  2. He is precious. And your friend is quite talented - it is beautiful.

    I'm so sorry, Sweetie.

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  3. What!? The must be crazy emotionally.... exciting and sad all at once. Take care of your self. Andrew is beautiful.

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  4. Honey, I'm sorry. I can't even imagine the emotional highs and lows all this causing. Andrew is beautiful. I have a feeling that just holding him will help ease the pain. Hugs.

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  5. I am so sorry Chris. I am with you there if only in spirit. It is a very hard thing to go through. I know first hand how hard it is. At least you have beautiful Andrew and while he might not be a replacement for the one you lost maybe your baby's spirit is watching over him keeping him safe.

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  6. Oh Chris, I am so sorry. I have had 2 m/c's in the past, and I know how mixed up your emotions can be after that. I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and for God to comfort you as your grieve your child.

    It's so hard to see God during your moments of despair, but I assure you He is there. I am praying for you and B.

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  7. Wow, what a roller coaster. I'm sorry to hear this news. I know you're snuggling Andrew tight, but I guess you'll be snuggling him even tighter. You are in my thoughts.

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  8. I'm sorry this loss is tarnishing your first days with Andrew. He's so precious. Hugs.

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  9. Oh, I'm so very sorry for this loss that you are waiting on.

    Andrew is precious, just precious.

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  10. I just found your blog through Yoka and had to write. I'm so sorry about the pregnancy. I went through the very same experience a year ago, and it is heartbreaking. It partly led us down the road to adoption.

    Your little boy is beautiful though. It must be wonderful to welcome him into your lives. I know you must be experiencing a lot of mixed emotions, but you must keep those good things in your heart.

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  11. I hope your love for Andrew can some how ease the pain of your miscarriage. I am sorry my friend.

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  12. I'm sorry. That's so unfair.

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  13. Anonymous8:58 AM

    Wow. I am sorry Chris. I can only imagine how you are feeling. Keep holding your baby and Brian tight and hopefully they will ease the pain you are going through. I am thinking about you all now and every day.

    The cradle is beautiful. Andrew is so tiny in it but before you know it he will be too big for it. Time flies so enjoy every moment (even the all nighters)

    Much Love, Laurie

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  14. Oh Chris, that must be such a balancing act emotionally! And add sleep depravation, and I am sure you are having a lot to deal with!

    I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

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  15. Wow, what a challenging time - overwhelming joy with sadness...I'm so happy you have your beautiful Andrew now, but I am sure this is very painful for you too. I hope your healing and recovery will be smooth and quick.

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  16. Your cradle is lovely. You will cherish that forever. I have mine that my grandpa made me and our children will now sleep in it.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the dual feelings you must be enduring. Big hugs to you and many prayers sent up on your behalf

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  17. What a beautiful cradle to go with such a beautiful little boy.

    I'm so sorry for your loss right now. I can't imagine all of those emotions all at once and I hope there is a quick resolution.

    Take care!

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  18. Look how absolutely scrumptious HE is! The crdle is adorable. My heart is breaking for your loss though

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  19. What a rollercoaster ride you are on. I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do.

    Andrew is adorable and so precious.

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  20. andrew is just so adorable. you're so blessed to have friends to make a cradle for you.

    i am sorry about your impending loss. i hope things will get better soon.

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  21. I am so sorry for your loss. I've been there myself so many times. I wish you all the best with your new little one.

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  22. I am here for you. He is just so precious and I so enjoyed holding him. my prayers and hugs.

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  23. What a beautiful cradle and a beautiful boy!!!

    I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. I can only imagine your range of emotions. Keeping you in my prayers!!!

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  24. He is so super cute, I'm totally jealous. (In a good way)

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  25. you are in my prayers.

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  26. Oh, Chris. I have tried to comment a few times and blogger is being a bugger.

    There are no word to express my joy over your beautiful son and my sorrow over your loss. I wish that I had something to offer that could offer you comfort. Know that it's okay to be feeling all that you are and to be patient with yourself. Being a new mommy and a grieving mommy all at once is a lot to take on.

    I will be thinking of you and your family and keeping all of you in my prayers.

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  27. YOU HAVE A GORGEOUS SON! GOD BLESS!

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  28. Aww Chris...I'm so sorry for the news. Mel mentioned it to me last week, about the BFP, and now my heart is just breaking for you.

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  29. He is just too precious. I am so sorry about the rest. No words can comfort. Just know my heart is sad for you. BIG HUGS!

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  30. hugs and prayers!

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