A year ago:
I had finished a horrendous year of teaching 2nd grade. My worst ever. But, I had quit my job so that I could focus on getting pregnant and having a baby.
I had my first visit to the RE and completed all of my testing. Everything was within normal parameters.
Undetermined infertility. The gift that keeps on giving.
I was getting ready to do my first IUI. I was going to get pregnant in no time.
My parents had begun to settle into their new home here in Arizona to enjoy their retirement.
We had a respectable savings account.
I missed my friends tremendously.
We had a naughty beagle.
I hadn't discovered blogging yet.
Brian and I had lots of time to spend together and really enjoy just hanging out together, as well as taking little trips.
So much has changed in the last year:
Quitting my job turned out to be a blessing in that I had the time to help my parents after my dad's accident. It was fantastic not having to go to work everyday and not to have work stresses, considering how many other stresses came our way. I like being able to substitute teach on days that work with my schedule, allowing me to go to doctor appointments and such and allowing me time and flexibility.
I have worn a rut in the road to my RE's office, and have funded a new wing in their office.
I still have undetermined infertility, and it stinks even more now.
Enough clomid to kill a horse, injectible meds, a giant cyst, 3 failed IUI's, a small polyp and impending surgery, and IVF orientation, and finally a natural pregnancy on a "waiting" cycle. Miscarriage and D&C at 10 weeks.
My parents are decidedly not enjoying their retirement here in Arizona. Nothing will ever be the same and nothing we can do will ever make things OK.
The savings account? It is no longer respectable. It is barely recognizable now.
I still miss my friends. They have tried to be very supportive, but I'm sure they are tiring of my life by now. Some don't think I'm being very realistic anymore.
We still have a naughty beagle, but she has matured and isn't naughty quite as often.
I am addicted to blogging, and I have found such amazing support and understanding and hope in this community.
Brian and I still enjoy our time together, and it's what has gotten us through this past year and will continue to get us through the future.
We still have hope. We will have a family. One way or another. Or maybe just another beagle and a better vacation. Either way, we will be OK. And we will be together.
Hi Chris, it's amazing how life can change in a year, huh? Sometimes I can't believe I have been married for only a year and half -- it feels like 10. You have a great attitute and I am always inspired by you. So thanks : )
ReplyDeleteI'm so inspired by your positive attitude! Your post gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and put a big smile on my face.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have had a hell of a year! My life has been much of the same as yours except stretched over about a 17 month period. I thank God everyday for the support I get on-line!!
ReplyDeleteAs for the caps, I am not sure. I think that I will bring the info to my CD3 testing and see what my RE thinks. I thought it might help b/c, as of now, I have undiagnosed infertility. What the RE thought was keeping me from getting PG turned out not to be, so I thought, hmmm if I could save the spermies the battle of finding my cervix maybe they won't be so tired when the egg finally comes down! Who knows, it wouldn't be the first "odd" thing I've tried and I'm sure it won't be the last.
Really nicely said.
ReplyDeleteWhat a year. This fertility stuff is tough - and all we want from it is to start a family and move forward but it is like being stalled in the parking lot.
ReplyDeleteI hardly recognize myself from a year ago. It is funny how quickly things change.
ReplyDeleteI love that despite all you have been through, you still seem happy and positive.
Here's hoping that next year will be a little better!