This morning was yet another time when I opened up "Moments for Couples Who Long for Children" to exactly what I needed to read. It seems that whenever I open up this book, wherever in the book I turn, it is exactly what I need to read at that moment. It's getting to be kinda creepy. I don't read it everyday, sometimes days or weeks go by, but every now and again I am pulled to it and turn to just the right page.
Anyhow . . . this passage was all about how infertility turns your world upside down and derails all kinds of plans and leads you to feeling helpless to getting back on track. Hmmm, truer words have never been spoken. Infertility leads you to question your purpose in life, wondering what you should do if children are not in your future, or immediate future. I know I ponder this all of the time. After all, we came to Arizona to raise a family. I quit teaching after one horrid year to stay home and have and take care of this family. None of this has happened, so now what? Well, the passage goes on to remind that God promises that we do have a purpose. It might be different from what I have come up with, or on a different timeframe, but there is a purpose. As such, I have no responsibility in creating the purpose, or bringing it to pass, my only responsibility is to look to God for guidance as He reveals the purpose, and then to follow it. So apparently, my "wait and see" holding pattern here is exactly what I should be doing right now. Go figure.
The passage goes on to discuss how this crisis of infertility is likely part of my purpose, as suffering has been shown to lead to healing and spiritual growth. During suffering we are much more likely to turn to God and follow His lead. God will not allow our sorrows to be wasted. From where we stand we cannot possibly see the whole picture. This suffering might seem like an end, but it is really a means to an end that we can't see. Now here's another interesting thought . . . the loneliness of infertility becomes a blessing as God reveals comforts and helps us to comfort others. Wow, I have seen that happen with these blogs. I have found comfort in reading what others have experienced on their journeys. Writing is an outlet for me. Reading this can be a comfort to others in ways that I may not imagine, helping someone I may not even know.
And finally, the prayer of the passage . . .
Lord, perhaps we can't see Your clear purpose in our waiting for a child, but it eases our pain to know You do indeed have a plan. help us to remember that every little obstacle, every lonely week that passes and every month that disappoints us is moving us toward the fulfillment of Your plan, not away from it.
It is my hope that someone reading this will find it contains some of the words that they needed to hear today, and that someone may gain some comfort from these words.