Since we were slapped with the label "infertility" I have tried really hard not to become THAT person. You know the one. The one that people can't talk to about their pregnancys or babies or kids or anything like that. I like hearing about other people's news. Obviously I'm pretty open about my own struggles, but that doesn't mean that I fall apart at mere mention of what others have that I so desperately want. However, I do understand that there are infertile people who truly can't listen to stories of pregnancy, babies, or kids. And that's OK for them. Unfortunately, that puts fertile folks between a rock and a hard place. Until they are absolutely sure which group you fall into they have no idea what to say to you and will invariably say the wrong thing. Poor fertile folks.
What brings this up? Brian. He has found, quite surprisingly, that he is THAT person. He didn't know that THAT person even existed, let alone that he was THAT person. And it was a shock to him, and he didn't like it. Earlier this year there was a pregnancy explosion in his department at the hospital. A few people there knew of our struggles. Then we, too, joined the explosion. But, alas, were banned 10 weeks later.
This weekend Brian told me that he found out that people at work were taking extra care not to speak of their pregnancys around him. He also found out that one of the doctors has a newly pregnant wife and didn't say anything in his presence. Brian doesn't want to be THAT person. He isn't THAT person. And it sounds like he cleared it up with everyone. I was sad for him finding out he was THAT person, when he didn't even know that such a person existed.
Sucks being that person, but really really sucks when it comes out of the blue to discover you're that person. Interesting that it happened to your husband though - I kinda didn't think about it happening to the men cuz women are the ones who usually talk more so know more so then say less...
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting, too, that it was Brian that is THE person. I am more that person than Mr B is. He is so NOT that person. It doesn't bother him at all. Now that I think about it I would feel better if he were, maybe it would feel like we were both in the same boat instead of just me. Does that make sense??
ReplyDeleteI think Dave and I are both that person, altho I am moreso. Sorry that this all has to even go on and I hope you will get to re-join that pregnancy explosion once again and very soon!
ReplyDeleteI know that I was pretty much "that" person. Well, the mention of babies and the newly pregnant didn't seem to bother me so much.....However, people who cried because they had a "surprise" baby or any kind of news stories about abandoned babies or mistreated toddlers hurt me to the core. The whole WHY??? I want that baby! I would love that child... It's all so backwards! People who would love to have babies can't have them and people who could care less are constantly getting pregnant and doing the unthinkable. Yes, I was definately THAT person in some respects.
ReplyDeleteOh and I definately avoided going to Church on Mother's Day...that was the absolute worst. Everyone around you saying "Happy Mother's Day" to you without really "knowing" how much those words hurt.
On the other hand - being cautious around someone experiencing infertility isn't the same as leaving them completely out of the loop. I think I would be hurt too if I was being left out of happy news like a friend being newly pregnant or having a baby shower...I can understand why Brian didn't want to be "that" person. I'm glad he cleared the air with his co-workers and hopefully staightened that out.
I was surprised a few months ago when my husband didn't want to go to a party when we invited by some people that we had recently met. I asked why and he said that he didn't want to go because they have a cute little toddler and it made him feel bad to see their happy family. He would like to go to a party with children when we have a baby to bring, too. I didn't know he felt that way. He doesn't seem to mind children of relatives or people we know well - but people that we don't know well seem to bring it out. I guess it is jealousy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting me! I'm sorry that Brian is "that person," or is seen as "that person." I've been that too, and I'd always much rather someone walked up and said "I'm pregnant!!! And I'm glad!" than have them tiptoe around me, giving me sorry looks.
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