A while back I read something that explained that women use about 3000 words per day, while men only use about 1500 words per day. Apparently, to ensure that I used my 3000 words that day, I told Brian about my findings. His response? "That explains a lot." I have this weird habit of getting really chatty right before drifting off to sleep. However, I get really chatty about totally inconsequential stuff. And Brian is, by default, my captive audience as he drifts off to sleep. Or rather, as he tries to drift off to sleep. So now, when this happens he will make one of the following comments:
1) Are we close to the 3000 word mark?
2) Once you hit 3000 words will you let me go to sleep?
3) Do you have to get in all 3000 words every day?
I'm sure you get the idea by now. And I really do have a point with all of this.
Brian is a regular reader of my blog. Apparently, and by my calculations, he must want more than 3000 words from me each day! There really isn't anything I write here that I haven't already verbalized to him. It doesn't bother me that he does read because there is no danger that he will find out anything that he doesn't already know. However, he continues to read so that he can keep tabs on me in case he is missing something in real live conversations. And sometimes, apparently, my written word touches him deeper than my spoken word. And sometimes, like yesterday's post, he begs for some clarification.
Brian is not THAT person, and never wanted to be THAT person, and never said or did anything to indicate he was THAT person. He was just surprised that some people at the hospital were mistaking him for THAT person. And when he cleared things up they were sorry for having made the assumption. That's what I mean about it being tricky for fertile folks to figure out just exactly how to respond to sub-fertile folks. Brian is just so confident that I will just naturally conceive again and that all will be well. Or in the alternative, that all will be well.
Sometimes it is so easy to slip in and out of being THAT person. (Oh, and for those who haven't ready yesterday's post "THAT" person is the one who is super sensitive about all things baby and others feel that they need to tiptoe around and be careful or filter what they say in THAT person's presence.) I have had many moments when I felt like I was becomming THAT person, and I just so didn't want to that I would over compensate to make it appear to all that I couldn't possibly be THAT person. There are certain acts of self preservation that I adhere to. I don't watch any of the baby shows on cable. You know the ones . . . birth stories, adoptions, multiples and the like. And I walk the long way around Target to avoid the baby department. However, I am completely unable to resist real, live babies that I know!
And I am super sensitive to all stories of baby/child injustice, much more so than before this affliction of sub-fertility. But this I don't see has a character defect. It is just intolerable that so many babies/kids suffer the consequences of unsuitable (the kindest word I can think of) parents and caregivers when there are so many struggling to build their own families who would do such a better job. Apparently what my mother said while I was growing up is true. "Nobody ever said life was fair."
Now that I have pretty much lost my focus, and before I use up all 3000 words for the day in this post, it's time to end things . . .
I think it is nice of people to be sensitive to what you may be feeling about babies. Especially when that feeling can change day to day. However, after you tell them you are OK talking about baby stuff, then they should not to avoid the topic with you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as getting talkative right before sleep, I think it is a woman thing. I do the exact same thing and then get frustrated when M starts dozing off.
Oh I agree with you Rachel. I think it is great when people are sensitive to our feelings. I feel for people always having to second guess what might or might not be the right thing to say. It's a tough position to be in, especially when on any given day I'm not even sure about what I want to hear!
ReplyDeleteAs Brian's sister (and mother of two of his nephews), I can confirm that he is definitely not THAT person!!! This topic is quite interesting to me because I would think that anyone who knows him would know that he is not THAT person. I felt bad when I read your blog yesterday, but I also know that he has no problem standing up for himself and setting the record straight.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad he was able to clear things up! The only thing worse than being left out is being left out unnecessarily.
ReplyDeleteI'm also a bedtime chatter :)
Is blogging included in the 3000 words? Please?
ReplyDelete