I went to see my doctor today hoping to come away with some answers.
Sigh.
I am now home with the same questions, but less time to figure them out.
Sigh.
This is the first I had seen him since he did the ultrasound with the heartbeat. He was very surprised when he found out I miscarried, given how perfect everything looked at the time. Yeah, me too.
And now for the positive points of the visit:
1) I did get pregnant, unassisted.
2) My cycles are perfectly regular.
3) I am ovulating.
4) I have a good attitude.
5) I'm a good responder to fertility meds.
And now for the negatives:
1) It took a year and a half to get pregnant, with treatment (even though I conceived naturally), it should have happened sooner.
2) I'm 40.
3) Ovarian reserve may be diminished
4) I'm 40.
5) Male factor is borderline.
6) I'm 40.
7) It is unknown exactly what the problem is.
8) I'm 40.
(At this time I told him to stop saying that. My ovaries haven't been told that I'm 40 and I'm trying to keep it that way.)
Here are my options:
1) Wait and See (Cost? $0)
2) IUI #4 with injectibles (Cost? $2500)
3) IVF with ICSI (Cost? $16,000)
Doctor's advice:
IVF with ICSI
When?
1) IVF would be started mid-August (after ovulation) after another search of my uterus between day 5 and 9. (To make sure nothing inappropriate was left behind from the D&C)
2) IUI would have to wait until September since I won't be in town on cycle day 3 when we would need to get started.
3) And I suppose IVF could be postponed until September too.
What am I relieved about?
1) He didn't suggest donor parts.
2) He didn't hand me paperwork for the nearest adoption agency.
3) He was encouraged about the miscarried pregnancy.
What has my brain spinning?
1) He wants to get started now.
2) He didn't think waiting until the end of the year was such a great idea. (And truly, is IVF over the holidays such a great idea?!??!)
3) I didn't think I would have to make a decision now.
What are the advantages of doing it now?
1) I would be doing something proactive.
2) If it works I wouldn't be pregnant next August in Phoenix. Rather, we would have a baby.
3) I wouldn't have to wonder about it now.
What are the disadvantages of doing it now?
1) Am I over reacting too quickly?
2) Am I not giving the natural route enough time?
3) If I play my IVF card and it doesn't work, then I'm done. Really done. End of road.
My head is a really crazy place to be right now. I realize that we don't need to make a decision today, however, I'm a gal that thrives on having a plan. But I wasn't prepared for us to decide on this plan within the next week and a half. And seriously, if IVF is something I am going to do, I may as well just get a move on and do it.
What can you do for me?
1) Tell me your thoughts. There is a handy little "comment" spot just below here. Just click on it and share your thoughts.
2) Pray for strength and guidance for Brian and I as we try to figure this out.
This is so tough. Well I will say that if IVF didn't work, it's not the end because you will continue trying naturally. But I understand what you're saying. Can you give it like 3 more natural cycles and see what happens after that? Then at least you can feel like you gave the natural thing somewhat of a good try... (and hopefully that will work!) You will only be three months older if you try naturally for the next 3 cycles, so will that make a big difference? That's prob what I would do...
ReplyDeleteJeez, your brain is an awfully busy place to be...
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I can't offer much advice on the whole IUI/IVF thing. That has never been an option for us, mainly b/c of the cost involved but also DH had weird notions about it not being "natural" (whatever the hell that means!!). I think that you should do whatever you are msot comfortabel with. No matter what it is your decision ultimatley (SP?). And you need to do whatver is best for you.
I do now that some RE's offer a 3 for 2 IVF price. You pay $25K and get 3 chances to do it. If you get PG on the 1st chance you are just out that money but if it takes all 3 chances you save money. Maybe that could be an option??
I'm not you, so I can't really say what you should do. My approach has always been to do whatever gives the best chances of success as soon as possible. I took Clo.mid on my first dIUI cycle even though it's not clear it was necessary, because I just wanted to get through the whole IF mess as quickly as possible and move on to the parenting part. So I'd probably go straight to IVF next month. But that's not the right approach for everyone. Good luck with your decision-making.
ReplyDeleteChris, I am definitely thinking of you. I would be inclined to try a few more cycles of lower tech options, but I can totally understand your desire to move forward with IVF/ICSI sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you and Brian.
Gawd, I'm not much help either. I thought if given the chance, I'd jump right at IVF, but when the new doc offered us IUI or IVF, we went IUI. There's something for me and the husband with IUI that's still a little more "us", whereas with IVF it really is completely assisted. Nothing wrong with it, not to say I won't jump on it in two weeks when this cycle doesn't work, but for us, costs and the invasiveness matter so for us, right now it's IUI. But do as the other girls have said - do what works for you and Brian. Good luck with such a fast decision.
ReplyDeletePraying for wisdom! Go with your gut! You know what to do. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI would do what the doctor recommended and try IVF. I have many friends who have had IVF babies and I wish my doctor would recommend it for me... but I'll probably have to wait and wait and wait and wait for a while yet...
ReplyDeleteThat is a tough one. I know what you mean about being reluctant to play the IVF card because that would be the "end of it." My husband was dead set against IVF so for us, IUI would be the last card played before adoption - I saw it as a cliff that was off in the distance but that after the IUIs would suddenly be right in front of me, and it was quite scary.
ReplyDeleteI can't say what I would do if I were you. I really don't know. I don't even know what I would do if I were me, and I am! I think I would do IVF, given age and the doctor's advice. But I agree with another commentor that if you decide to do IVF, it would be worth looking into whether your clinic has a shared risk program. Good luck. I will pray for you both. And I appreciate your kind words to me.
Chris, I don't know what I'd do in the same situation. My gut is usually to listen to the doctor, that is why he/she makes the big bucks and went to school for years and years.
ReplyDeleteI guess if financially you can afford the IVF, I'd go for it. Is it possible to get a second opinion before you invest all that money?
I'll be praying for you!
Hi Chris,
ReplyDeleteI thought I left you a long rambling comment last night but it appears I may have left it somewhere else or didn't hit enter or something. I appreciate you dilemma as I feel I am someone in your same shoes. IVF seems like the final frontier. At age 41 (advanced maternal age that is only getting more "advancer" with time, if IVF doesn't work, we will probably throw the towel in and move on to adoption. IVF lurks out there like our last best chance. The doctor also acts like I don't have a month to lose. It's hard to believe that a month will make a difference but I guess success rates go down significantly for 42 and 43. I skipped 2 months because of a cyst but the doc was not happy about that.
the one good thing about IVF is that you can get more information about your eggs and fertilization, etc. I think it is a big plus in your favor that you did get pregnant once so you know you can get pregnant.
good luck with this decision. It's nice to have options.
I have been following your blog since early April but have been afriad to leave you a comment. I just wanted you to know that I have been praying for you and Brian daily. God has plan and he will show it to you.(Jeremaih 29:11) Trust him!!! This is the verse God gave last Sept. when we started talking about having another baby. I passed on to Mrs B and I want to give it to you now. " I prayed for this child and God granted me what I aksed of Him." 1 Samuel 1:29. Hope my commenting is okay. I will continue to pray for the decision you and Brian must make.
ReplyDelete