This holiday season has been off to a very slow start for me. Decorations were lugged in from the garage right after Thanksgiving, but nothing happened after that. After looking at everything cluttering the living room we finally got it all pulled together and it actually looks as if Christmas will be happening this year.
Normally I love listening to Christmas songs. I don't like to listen to them before Thanksgiving, but I do enjoy the month of Christmas songs. This year Christmas songs make me sad. I'll be driving in the car and start crying when a Christmas songs plays.
Christmas has always been the happiest season of the year, but this year I am having trouble finding the happy. I find myself wondering what there is to be happy about. I mean, this infertility thing sucks and it hurts to not have a child to share the holidays with. Also, the daily struggles that my parents face suck even more. And there really isn't much that I can do about it. No matter what I do my dad will still be paralyzed and my mom will still be primary caregiver. So I find myself wondering just what there is to feel joyous about this holiday season.
Then I remember. Jesus. The best gift ever is the reason to feel joyous and to celebrate. There rest doesn't matter as much. There aren't reasons to celebrate infertility or a spinal cord injury. The only reason to celebrate is Jesus. And that is what I will do.