I feel so incredibly blessed to be celebrating Mother's Day this weekend that I can hardly stand it! I have Brian and Andrew, and my mom, too. We are all healthy and happy, the weather is gorgeous and none of us have work to do this weekend.
But, it's complicated. I feel so many other things as well, and it makes my brain a very busy place trying to figure it all out.
5 years ago I didn't really give much thought to Mother's Day, other than to celebrate with my mom. I figured that one day I would also get to celebrate it, but it really didn't give me much pause for thought.
4 years ago I started to get impatient and anxious, and began to worry it would never happen.
3 years ago I was excited for Mother's Day as it approached because I was finally pregnant. However, 3 years ago, on May 9th, I had my surgery because of my miscarriage #1.
2 years ago I was waiting, and trying to be patient.
1 year ago I was blissfully happy with my 10 month old beautiful baby boy! But the joy was tempered just a bit (OK, maybe a lot) by guilt. I thought it would go away.
It hasn't. It's still here.
I still feel so badly for those who are still longing to be a mom, and for those who have their babies in heaven instead of here on Earth. I know this pain and wish that nobody would ever have to know it.
And now this year my joy still continues, but I also remember my losses, and those of my friends.
So, if you are still waiting, my prayers are with you. And if you are celebrating, please remember your friends and family who may be still longing for motherhood or missing their babies. I know I am.