Let me start by saying that I am so incredibly glad that we do have an open adoption and I believe that it will be the best thing for Andrew.
But at the same time, it's hard. Really, really hard.
We've had visits scheduled this past week with Andrew's birthmom that haven't worked out because she has had to cancel. Now, I do understand that things happen and that things come up. That being said, I've been pretty disappointed. And at this point the disappointment is mine, not Andrew's. I'm hoping that I'll have a handle on it by the time he is old enough to understand.
I've just been so excited (and proud!) for her to see how awesome and wonderful he is in person. But, she has a lot going on in her life right now and things change for her very quickly sometimes.
To further complicate things (for me, anyhow) I want to help her so much, but I really can't. She's told me that she admires and looks up to me, but I'm not comfortable giving her the depth of guidance that she needs. Or rather, that I think she needs. And maybe that's the problem.
She has lived a life that I can't even imagine, and it isn't fair for me to open my big mouth. And in the meantime, we just go day by day as our collective relationship continues to grow and change. While it's kinda neat, it's also kinda scary. It isn't like there is a manual to refer to or anything.
I can only imagine how hard that must be for you. I do believe that you are doing the right thing though. I think that when he is old enough to understand, Andy will have a lot of questions, and you will be able to answer many of them- a lot more than some adoptees (like our kids for example) ever know. I'm sure it's very hurtful when she cancels on you, but it probably is hard for her too, even more so when she sees how great he is, and how much she has missed out on. Hold tight to your convictions.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of how you are able to keep up that relationship. I don't know if I could do it it, even for the sake of the baby. Just too many emotions for me. You are awesome!
ReplyDeleteI have said it before and I'll say it again. I admire your strength in dealing with such an emotionally volatile situation.
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