I really should beware, because this time the date jumped up on me in a most unwelcome way. I mean, I knew it was getting close. I just didn't realize it was today. Another unfulfilled due date. The one that was a complete surprise. The one that at first seemed like it would be inconvenient because Andy would have been just 8 months old. The one that later seemed like my fault.And on the heels of a good friend's pregnancy announcement, and the fact that I really do want another baby, cuz I've already got the most perfect baby in the whole wide world so I simply must have another because I'm just a greedy bitch, it just sucks.
Last year's feelings were pretty much expected, since it was the first year. But this year, I thought, I hoped, I was over it. But I'm not. So there.
And while a traitor didn't actually kill me (duh, since I'm still here and typing this), the traitor is my body. My body that just won't sustain a pregnancy nearly long enough.
Sending hugs and care and love.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss. I don't really know if the pain ever goes away, but I do think over time it will be easier to accept. It has been over two years since my dad passed, and I still feel sad and miss him. But it does make it easier to have people in my life who love me, and my children.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet friend...you aren't greedy. You love your little boy and you want to give more love to another little one. I am so sorry your heart is hurting, and I am so sorry your body has been so uncooperative. But I assure you, the loss of that little one is not your fault in any way, shape or form. Hugs, hun. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSuch a rotten thing to have gone through, and I remember you announcing all of it in the first place like it was yesterday. Big hugs...
ReplyDeleteI do not think you are greedy, I think that you have so much love to give that you just want one more to share more of that love with and to fill your heart just a little more.
ReplyDeleteHaving experienced miscarriages and a body that does it's own thing I completely know where you are coming from.
I hope there are better days ahead for you :)
You're not greedy. I have similar feelings (I can't be pregant either). We too adopted a fantastic little one and I'm already thinking about a sibling.
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