Thursday, January 07, 2010

Seemingly Fickle

I've really been reflecting upon my inability to get going on updating our profile book. Brian and I have been doing lots of talking, and my little brain has been working overtime. We've made a decision, but it isn't one that I'm really happy about and quite honestly, it's taking me some getting used to.

We've decided that we aren't going to pursue another adoption.

While we would love, love, love to have another child, we just aren't comfortable with the financial repercussions of another adoption. It was just time to face reality.

We don't have the luxury of waiting for a few years, and then pursuing another infant adoption. We'll be too old then.

We've always wanted two kids. Even in the midst of our infertility and miscarriage struggles I never really doubted that once we worked things out we'd have the size family we always dreamed of. So this decision is really hard on my little brain right now. It's just an adjustment to my thinking that I hadn't really considered.

On the other hand, I do realize, quite deeply, how incredibly lucky and blessed we are with our sweet Andy. It's with thoughts of him that we realize that we can't really jeopardize his financial future as well. There are so many experiences we want to give him, and the experience of having a sibling just won't be one of them.

Brian likes to remind me that as kids we both wished to be only children, so, in a way, Andy will have our childhood dreams.

I'm sure that in time I'll adjust to our decision, but for now it makes me sad and wistful.

29 comments:

  1. I'm awfully sorry. As wonderful as Andy is, and as thankful for him that you are, I don't think that will ever quite take away the pain of giving up a dream. It always stings to give up our dreams.

    Sending hugs and comfort and peace.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry to hear that because I know how much you want another child. I hope you come into some money, or a child just finds his/her way to you somehow, even a few years from now. Age is just a number - you won't be too old.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm really sorry to hear this. Wishing you comfort as you come to terms with the decision.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry to hear that you must close that chapter. I know how hard aching for that sibling can be--and how putting that dream away can be painful.

    I hope that somehow things work out. But, you know, being an only child does also have advantages...so either way, Andrew will get the best--you guys!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I imagine this is a difficult decision to wrestle with. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10:50 AM

    I'm thinking of you. Just know that however things work out, you have a wonderful family and take comfort in that love and warmth. Laurie

    ReplyDelete
  7. I hear you. (((Christie)))

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh wow, what a huge decision. I am sure that it is the right one for you guys. I struggle with this too. I want V to have a sibling, and close in age or not at all, due to our family issues, but the finances? Oy. Sending you and the fam big hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hugs, sweetie. I know all too well the pain of having to give up a dream...and am still adjusting to the pain and hurt of having it left unfulfilled. So glad you have sweet Andy and praying that God gives your heart peace with your decision.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That is so sad. Just as we all have learned to accept the losses of infertility, miscarriage, death of loved ones, and other painful things in life, you will come to acceptance of this too. I'm so glad that you have little Andy- he does and will continue to bring such joy to your lives.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am sad for you, knowing that this chapter in your life is coming to a close. After all you have gone through to get your wonderful sweet son Andy and then to want a sibling for him and to know that will not happen must be really difficult.

    I pray the joy of Andy and the strength and comfort of your wonderful family will give you the strength and courage to move forward and too have lots of fun adventures with Andy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm sorry to hear this. I am sad for you and hoping that you find the strength you need to get through this

    ReplyDelete
  13. I read your post, and imeadiatly understood what you were going through. Things are so frusterating in our world (IF). It is never easy to make these kinds of decisions. I hope that your heart doesn't hurt to much. Many hugs to you and your family right now.

    Erica

    ReplyDelete
  14. Brenda from CA9:16 AM

    Chris, you know that Mitch is an "only," but he's got tons of friends, is involved in a several youth groups and sometimes really relishes the quiet after everyone goes home. He has many "brothers" all over southern california who he sees really often. I keep asking him if he wants a brother or sister when the nieces or small neighbors come over. He says he'd rather have his stuff not get broken or spread all over the place. It is a tough decision for you both, I'm sure. Sometimes I second guess myself as to whether only have one was the best decision. You can always say what I said when Mitch was little and people would ask when I was going to have another: "I got the one I wanted the first time. I don't need to try to get a better one!" :o)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so sorry... Thinking of you...

    ReplyDelete
  16. What a difficult choice to make. It stings to have a "place at the table" for someone who's missing in your heart and mind.

    I wish for you peace and fullness with your decision, Christy.
    XO

    ReplyDelete
  17. Here from LFCA...we are adopting a baby girl (from Ethiopia) the financial committment is big. I am already thinking about our 2nd adoption (this one isn't even finished yet)...and I think I will put the "tax credit" we get aside or invest it for it...just pretend we never got it back. I konw that's not realistic for most people...and it may not even be realistic for us...but I"m hopeful!

    I'm so sorry you've made the decision to not pursue a 2nd adoption...may you find peace and strength.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm sorry this decision has been difficult for you. I always thought we'd have two kids too, but we've always known that one adoption was all that we could realistically spring for. It makes me sad that our son won't have a sibling either, but life will be better in other ways. I hope you find peace with your decision.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think your love for Andy is incredible. I am sorry that things aren't working out how you hoped. I too would like to adopt again but struggle with the idea of coming up with the money. This is why I started the non profit. I really hate that many of these important decisions come down to finances. Sending well wishes to you as you muddle through this difficult decision.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Here from the LFCA to lend support.

    We had to make that same decision a while back and for the most part, it's one I'm happy with but every now and then I wonder "what if". It's a tough choice to make but I understand where you are coming from. There just is no easy answer to this one.

    PS: Andy is adorable!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm sorry for the difficult decision you've had to make.
    Here from LFCA.

    ReplyDelete
  22. What a heartbreaking decision to make...

    I pray that you find peace with it and whatever the future brings.

    ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
  23. This had to have been a very tough decision.

    ReplyDelete
  24. came over from LFCA to offer my support. I'm afraid we're in the same decision. always wanted two kids but just don't see how we can make it happen. it's so hard. no matter how lucky we are with our first adoption, it's still hard to close the book on the family you always envisioned in your heart and mind. wishing you some peace.

    ReplyDelete
  25. oops, meant to say we're in the same boat, or have to face the same decision, but didn't come out right. ah, you know what I meant.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Here from LFCA. I can appreciate your situation. I have a 6 year old son, and have been though 5 years of infertility hell, exhausting every option along the way. We are currently "done" while also pondering adoption with money we don't have. Every day I get closer to making my final decision to live as a family of 3. It is very hard, this I know.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Here from LFCA. Infertility - the gift that keeps on giving. It totally sucks that finances keeps so many people from adopting. I am sorry that you are having to give up a part of your dream for that reason.

    ReplyDelete