I've really been reflecting upon my inability to get going on updating our profile book. Brian and I have been doing lots of talking, and my little brain has been working overtime. We've made a decision, but it isn't one that I'm really happy about and quite honestly, it's taking me some getting used to.
We've decided that we aren't going to pursue another adoption.
While we would love, love, love to have another child, we just aren't comfortable with the financial repercussions of another adoption. It was just time to face reality.
We don't have the luxury of waiting for a few years, and then pursuing another infant adoption. We'll be too old then.
We've always wanted two kids. Even in the midst of our infertility and miscarriage struggles I never really doubted that once we worked things out we'd have the size family we always dreamed of. So this decision is really hard on my little brain right now. It's just an adjustment to my thinking that I hadn't really considered.
On the other hand, I do realize, quite deeply, how incredibly lucky and blessed we are with our sweet Andy. It's with thoughts of him that we realize that we can't really jeopardize his financial future as well. There are so many experiences we want to give him, and the experience of having a sibling just won't be one of them.
Brian likes to remind me that as kids we both wished to be only children, so, in a way, Andy will have our childhood dreams.
I'm sure that in time I'll adjust to our decision, but for now it makes me sad and wistful.