Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Self-imposed Deadline

Back in September we had our home study renewed, giving us another 18 months where we are deemed "acceptable" to adopt. After talking about it for a couple of weeks we decided that we were ready to let our agency know of our intentions to give it another shot. I spoke with our social worker and she said that the only thing she needed from us would be our updated profile book. Knowing how busy the end of the year would be, and knowing that we aren't in a huge rush, I told her I would get it to her after the holidays.

And now, the end of the holidays are approaching, and I haven't made any progress with our book. In a way I'm dreading the process of being "chosen" and "waiting". Even though we had the most perfect adoption experience, I'm filled with apprehension and fear this time. I worry that since everything worked out perfectly last time, that this time will be traumatic. I know. Crazy.

So this morning I pulled our our profile book and read it from cover to cover. There are certainly some changes to be made, like adding a page for Andy, and changing some wording. I have plenty of pictures to choose from, and lots of scrapbooking paper, stickers and embellishments to use to bring it all together. I think I need to let things mull around in my brain for a while, and I'll start the actual work in a day or two.

This time is different. I don't feel the weight of the world rests on this little profile book. If we appeal to someone, great. If not, that's OK too. We are only prepared to wait as long as our home study is still valid. We'll only renew again if we are in the midst of an adoption. Otherwise, we will know that we gave it a shot, and we'll know that our family is perfectly complete just the way it is.


*And by the way, this is my 400th post!

11 comments:

  1. Awe, yay for you guys wanting to add to your family! I'm sure Andy will make the best big brother EVER!! I'll keep you in my prayers for a smooth process this second go-around!

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  2. That sounds like a great place to be!

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  3. How exciting (even though it is very scary) to start this journey again! Andrew will be a wonderful big brother! :-)

    Wishing you a smooth journey that ends with another bundle of joy to love!

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  4. How exciting! Happy 400th post!

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  5. Yeah!! for you guys and your willingness to try again. Adoption was never the right answer when we prayed about it but it was for so many of our friends and what blessings have come to their homes!!!

    Andy would make a wonderful brother if that is the Lord's will and I like your attitude if it is not the Lord's will. I remember when we did IVF one more time with the girl's that we had decided if it worked great and if not we had the wonderful blessing of Aidan.

    Our thoughts and prayers will be with you :)

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  6. Congrats on 400 posts. I know that you (being the scrapbook DIVA that you are) will turn out a beautiful updated book.

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  7. Wow, 400th post! Good luck pursuing adoption again. I understand what you're saying about less pressure when applying the second time.

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  8. Happy 400th post!

    And how exciting to be pursuing adoption again!

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  9. Excited for you! We're having a girls' weekend this month if you want to get away to work on the book!

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  10. Happy 400th! And YAY for pursuing baby #2!

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  11. 400th!? Wow! Congratulations on a major accomplishment. Did you go back and count them all? Or did it tell you somewhere that it was your 400th? My guess I'm at maybe 100 (and that's a stretch). Congratulations nonetheless - on both your endeavors! <3

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