Back in September we had our home study renewed, giving us another 18 months where we are deemed "acceptable" to adopt. After talking about it for a couple of weeks we decided that we were ready to let our agency know of our intentions to give it another shot. I spoke with our social worker and she said that the only thing she needed from us would be our updated profile book. Knowing how busy the end of the year would be, and knowing that we aren't in a huge rush, I told her I would get it to her after the holidays.
And now, the end of the holidays are approaching, and I haven't made any progress with our book. In a way I'm dreading the process of being "chosen" and "waiting". Even though we had the most perfect adoption experience, I'm filled with apprehension and fear this time. I worry that since everything worked out perfectly last time, that this time will be traumatic. I know. Crazy.
So this morning I pulled our our profile book and read it from cover to cover. There are certainly some changes to be made, like adding a page for Andy, and changing some wording. I have plenty of pictures to choose from, and lots of scrapbooking paper, stickers and embellishments to use to bring it all together. I think I need to let things mull around in my brain for a while, and I'll start the actual work in a day or two.
This time is different. I don't feel the weight of the world rests on this little profile book. If we appeal to someone, great. If not, that's OK too. We are only prepared to wait as long as our home study is still valid. We'll only renew again if we are in the midst of an adoption. Otherwise, we will know that we gave it a shot, and we'll know that our family is perfectly complete just the way it is.
*And by the way, this is my 400th post!