Monday, March 16, 2009

Almost, but not Quite

I knew that March 15th was coming along. I knew it would get here. I knew it would just be another day. I knew it could be just another day. But it wasn't, and isn't. Because it was a "should have" kind of day. Yesterday was an unfulfilled due date for me. Last summer's doomed pregnancy should have brought us new joy yesterday.

A year before I got pregnant I had a dream. In that dream I had a baby born on March 15th. Last year when I found out I was pregnant we found out that the due date was March 15th. I was amazed. I was hopeful. I thought that surely this was a sign. A sign that this time it would work out. I was wrong. Or the timing is just plain off. Maybe another March 15th, but just not this one.

So yesterday rolled around and I didn't speak of it. I'm sure that nobody else held even in inkling of what the day meant for me. I simply spent the day in the company of my husband and my baby and knew that all was well.

And today has rolled around, and I remember in a wistful way about March 15th. The could haves. The should haves. And it makes me all the more grateful for my actual haves.

9 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:22 PM

    I am happy for your "haves". Enjoy your family and love them every minute. Hopefully another Mar 15 will roll around for you guys someday. I am sorry you had to face the day but I am glad you were with your family.

    Love Laurie

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  2. I'm sorry Christy. Wishing things could have been otherwise.

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  3. I am sorry. Very Sorry. Remembering this day with you

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  4. Being happy about the "haves" doesn't erase the pain of the "should haves", even if it does ease it just a little. I am so sorry, Christy. Glad you were able to be with your family.

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  5. I'm thinking of you and am sorry for the sad day.

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  6. Amazing what changes come in a year...my thoughts are with you as you remember today...

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  7. I am sorry for what you should have had yesterday, but glad you can take comfort in what you do have!

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  8. Christy, I am so sorry for what should have been yesterday.

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  9. I'm thinking of you - your haves and your should haves.

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