Friday, September 12, 2008

Oldish News and Next Steps

I guess I'll start with the oldish news. First of all, it's "oldish" because for the past week lots of thoughts have been tumbling around in my noggin and I just haven't taken much time for bloggin'. Anywho, last week, at a mere 28 days past my miscarriage/D&C, my good buddy Aunt Flo returned. With a vengeance. We'll leave it at that. The take home fact here is that my body isn't acting old at all with how quickly it's gotten back in the groove. My old buddy also brought back the frustration of the diagnosis of "unexplained" infertility. It just stinks to not know why we aren't getting results when everything appears to be in properly working order.

At my follow up appointment with my OB we talked about what next. I really don't have a clear vision. I mean, I know I'm not seeking any more treatment, my RE is out of the picture. However, I don't really know if I want to try to get pregnant or not. I really don't want to go through another miscarriage again, not that anybody does, but I guess I really don't want to risk it. My doctor sees no reason for me to be on birth control and he still sees no reason why I couldn't get pregnant again and actually have it work out.

And how can I even be thinking about this when we have Andrew and he is just 7 weeks old? Well, a couple of things have prompted this line of thinking. First of all, it has been our dream to have 2 kids. As I'm sure you know from your own personal experience, it is really hard to give up on your dreams, no matter what they are. Secondly, as Andrew has already outgrown his preemie clothes, and has nearly outgrown his newborn clothes, I wonder what to do with them. Do I save them for the next child? Do I give them away? Which brings me back to our dream of having 2 kids. In all reality, this dream may have to shift, and maybe it already has begun to. Relying on me for a successful pregnancy seems pretty pointless. Pursuing another domestic infant adoption may not be financially feasible for us in the near future. Leaving it all to God is our best bet, yet the hardest for me, the planner, to do.

And yes, I will be saving the clothes, as I'm forever the optimist. My point is that as Andrew outgrows clothes it makes me wonder if I'm saving them for our next child, or just for posterity.


  1. Anonymous8:43 AM

    I always believe that things happen when they are supposed to. I would just enjoy life and your baby and let things fall as they may. You never know what will happen and as long as you enjoy life as it comes you should have no regrets. PS I still have Samantha's baby clothes (5 years later) and even some of the boys (14 years) which were my favorites. It doesn't hurt to hold on to things for a while until you know for a fact that you won't need them. Besides baby things are so darn cute!


  2. My mom had me in 1978 at 23, my brother in 1987, my sister in 1988 and my baby sister in 1998. She still has my baby clothes! In fact I am going to be getting them back since she is finally done having kids (amen!) anyways, my point is save your baby clothes. You never know when you may need them again. Or maybe a good friend will need them.
    Enjoy the baby now, but I say dont give up on having another if that is what you really want.

  3. you know how people said as soon as you adopted you would get pregnant.........well another sure way is to get rid of all the baby clothes ect as you dont need them. Sorry those are bad jokes. How many misscarriages have you had total. I so feel for you. I do know its up to our heavenly father and you have to trust in him Mrs Planner! and part of it is maybe there is a child (like andrew) who needed you more than a new spirit from god at that moment. Who knows what his life may have been had you not adopted him. All things work out for the best. I know thats hard also. I wish I could carry some of your burden for you. I would! Hugs

  4. Hi Chris-
    I know exactly how you feel as I am in the process of going through the same thoughts. Question- After the D&C do they test the fetus? I know after my miscarriage we were going to have that done... just wondering...

  5. If you have room, put the clothes in a bin and store them. You never know when you might need them or you can lend them out to friends in the meantime.

    My sister gave me tons of her son's stuff to use for my baby and all of her maternity clothes. But we both want more children so there is no way we are getting rid of the stuff after I'm no longer using it with this baby. Will I ever get pregnant again? I don't know. Will I even end up with a live baby this time? I don't know.

    But I'm going to hang on to the stuff just in case.

  6. I totally hear you on that. I've always thought I'd like two children, but one domestic infant adoption is probably it for us. We also have unexplained infertility, but I don't want to do treatments.
    I got your email from your profile and am going to email you with a question.

  7. It was great to see you and Andrew yesterday!

    I would save the clothes too.....never give up on a dream

  8. It's o.k. to remain hopeful and optimistic.

  9. Well... call me an optimist too. I've been packing the boys stuff into containers... a year later and it's starting to pile up. Am I having more kids? I'm not sure. I really WANT to...

    I suppose they day I give the clothes away is the day I give up on the dream of a bigger family.

  10. I had similar thoughts after having Michael. It was harder as the years went on and I kept saving and saving his clothes. Finally I stopped doing that (once he was about 5 years old) and I would give them to charity.

    I think that might have been better--cuz now his old clothes are sitting the musty basement and I have to sort through them...hmmm..its more fun to buy new ones! :-)

  11. I'd be afraid too, it's hard to trust that you won't end up in the same bullshit again and again. For now I think keep the clothes:-)