I guess I'll start with the oldish news. First of all, it's "oldish" because for the past week lots of thoughts have been tumbling around in my noggin and I just haven't taken much time for bloggin'. Anywho, last week, at a mere 28 days past my miscarriage/D&C, my good buddy Aunt Flo returned. With a vengeance. We'll leave it at that. The take home fact here is that my body isn't acting old at all with how quickly it's gotten back in the groove. My old buddy also brought back the frustration of the diagnosis of "unexplained" infertility. It just stinks to not know why we aren't getting results when everything appears to be in properly working order.
At my follow up appointment with my OB we talked about what next. I really don't have a clear vision. I mean, I know I'm not seeking any more treatment, my RE is out of the picture. However, I don't really know if I want to try to get pregnant or not. I really don't want to go through another miscarriage again, not that anybody does, but I guess I really don't want to risk it. My doctor sees no reason for me to be on birth control and he still sees no reason why I couldn't get pregnant again and actually have it work out.
And how can I even be thinking about this when we have Andrew and he is just 7 weeks old? Well, a couple of things have prompted this line of thinking. First of all, it has been our dream to have 2 kids. As I'm sure you know from your own personal experience, it is really hard to give up on your dreams, no matter what they are. Secondly, as Andrew has already outgrown his preemie clothes, and has nearly outgrown his newborn clothes, I wonder what to do with them. Do I save them for the next child? Do I give them away? Which brings me back to our dream of having 2 kids. In all reality, this dream may have to shift, and maybe it already has begun to. Relying on me for a successful pregnancy seems pretty pointless. Pursuing another domestic infant adoption may not be financially feasible for us in the near future. Leaving it all to God is our best bet, yet the hardest for me, the planner, to do.
And yes, I will be saving the clothes, as I'm forever the optimist. My point is that as Andrew outgrows clothes it makes me wonder if I'm saving them for our next child, or just for posterity.