My original post was meant to share what has been weighing on my heart, not to point fingers and blame specific people. I was expressing the effect of the words on me, and my initial gut reaction, which still lingered. My feelings are valid, my concerns and worries are perfectly normal for people going down this path of infertility, miscarriage, loss and adoption. Therefore, while it may not make sense or seem logical to folks who haven't been in our shoes, it doesn't mean that we are wrong.
I was purposely very vague about who, specifically, said these statements to us, and even to which of us it was said. Therefore, I wasn't able to relay things exactly as it happened. I will continue to be vague here so as not to call out any individual family identities.
One of my main points, which I apparently didn't convey very well, is that while these types of remarks may be expressed by strangers, and we expect it from strangers, we were initially quite surprised and shocked to hear this from family. I did not see it as a family member trying to show love and support by forcing us to hear what we may not want to. I am well aware of the fact that strangers will say cruel, insensitive, and ignorant things. Some will be things already mentioned, some will be different. I won’t like it, I won’t agree with it, but will be able to brush it off by remembering that these strangers are likely vastly uninformed and unaware about our situation.
I should also mention that back when this all originally happened, a month ago, we did ask for clarification as to what we can expect as far as support should we ultimately make an unpopular decision. Unequivocally we can expect love and support for our child. I understood this then, and I understand it now. What I tried to express is that it was shocking to hear this from family, when I fully expected it from strangers. I am still in a tender, sensitive place for all things associated with our journey through infertility, miscarriage and loss. I worry about things that may not ever come to be. This is where I am. I make no apologies for it.
That said, I do really appreciate all of the support I have received here. The summation of what I have taken away from all of your comments is that one day this will all be water under the bridge. It will all work out. Eventually our child will be an integral part of our entire family.