Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Crying Over Spilled Milk


Generally I try not to cry over spilled milk. I said "generally", which means that I'm afraid I won't be doing a very good job of it over the next few days. You see, I keep remembering back to a year ago. Exactly a year ago I was blissfully (well, mostly, except for a little anxiety) pregnant. We knew our little embryo had a strong heartbeat and was measuring exactly right. Everything looked normal and I felt that for the first time in a long time everything was going right for us.
It was during a routine ( 9 1/2 week) OB appointment on May 4th that I learned of the demise of my pregnancy. My world came crashing down and I became yet another statistic.
For those who live a little beyond the moment, you will notice that May 4th is Sunday. Just a few short days away. And I am dreading being in that moment. I feel like last year's May 4th will come rushing back at me. Frankly, I could do without that happening because it really sucked the first time around. Even though it has almost been a year it still hasn't been enough time to escape the pain. Now I'm part of an even smaller, worse statistic . . . the one that didn't get pregnant again within months of a miscarriage.

11 comments:

  1. good luck. Prayers and hugs sent your way.

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  2. I'm sorry this sucks so bad. I'll be thinking of you on Sunday.

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  3. Ugh, this is gonna be a tough week for you as you dread that upcoming date, and as it hits. I don't know what to say but to do some stuff for you, to give you a break, or a distraction. You've been through a lot and being reminded of it with the stupid date, well it just sucks.

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  4. I feel a little guilty right now. I wish you had gotten pregnant again.

    I'll be thinking of you Sunday.

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  5. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope this May 4th is filled with much happier times.

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  6. Anonymous8:38 AM

    Chris, do something FUN and entirely for yourself on Sunday. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.
    xoxo, Kari

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  7. I know how you feel, I lost my first baby as well ... and came the year anniversary and I still was not pregnant... it was very hard. I coped by doing something special for my baby that day. My husband and I wrote messages in colorful balloons and went to one of our favorite spots in town and let them fly way taking our message of love to our little angel. It took me almost 2 years after my m/c but it happened and now a have a sweet little girl. it will happen to you too
    Hugs

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  8. Anonymous2:21 PM

    I like the idea that cibele had. Find something to honor your baby and yourselves and enjoy the day. I'll be thinking of you.

    Laurie D.

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  9. Chris, I know there is nothing I can say to ease this time. it is okay to grieve and it is okay to take time.
    hugs, charms

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  10. I wish I could take this pain away. I remember it was this time last year that you found my blog, as I too had just been through a miscarriage. You helped me so much this past year and I so looked (and still do) forward to your comments and support. I know you know this-- but you are on your way to becoming a mother- I guess we just never know what's around the corner in life, but I do know that happy times are coming for you. Sending you lots of hugs.

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  11. Hugs and prayers on this day.

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