Thursday, January 10, 2008

Just Who is the Infertile One?

Apparently, in our family, that designation goes to me alone.

Hmmm, it's interesting. I always considered that WE were infertile. Even after all of the testing was completed WE were labeled with unexplained infertility, as both of our test results came back within normal parameters. I even did IVF to prove that my eggs aren't rotten.

As part of our adoption homestudy we have to have some physician's statements filled out. One page lists all sorts of conditions that you need to indicate either a "yes" or a "no". One of those conditions is infertility. I answered yes on my paperwork. Yesterday Brian was at his physical with our primary care doctor. This doctor knows the reader's digest version of our struggles. He and Brian went over the checklist together and when they got to "infertility" Brian said no. The doctor questioned this and Brian told him that it was me, not him, that is infertile, as all of his numbers are good. So the "no" answer remained and they went on.

How do I know about this? Brian told me about it. (I bet he wishes now that he kept this tidbit to himself.) I take issue with this determination. I mean, my numbers are good too. Yet I get the label. And all of the fun that goes along with it. Granted, I am the one who actually received treatment for said condition, but I never thought that I bore the label by myself. I've spent the past almost two years thinking that WE had an infertility issue. Not that I did.

This stinks.

18 comments:

  1. I agree. ~totally~ not fair.

    Then I thought about my own struggles and I remember back when we both shouldn't of gotten the label (or that we both shared the label) and then things turned and now we both have issues and now we BOTH have the label.

    Label or not though, it sucks. And I'm sorry.

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  2. That does stink. That would make me really mad! I think my husband thinks the same way. His numbers are horrible, but now that we did IVF and all the eggs fertilized, he thinks he did his job, and I am the one with the problem (no one ever said I had a problem until after we attempted IVF#1).

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  3. We have MF, so I'm technically not infertile, but I've always considered myself to be. I'm so sorry that-I would be upset, too. Honestly, I do think men think about it differently, I imagine if the tables were turned in my family my husband would probably consider it my problem.

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  4. You know, that's exactly how I foresee it happening in our house as well. J will check "no" while I have to check "yes". That DOES stink!!! You have every right to be upset with him. I'm so sorry!!!!! Sending you tons of (((HUGS)))

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  5. It does always feel like it's us, doesn't it? I think it may be just because we're the ones who carry the baby. Maybe the men are forgetting we can't get there alone! :) Sending hugs!

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  6. WOW bless your heart. I would be a mess for sure! HUGS!

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  7. Don't keep him in the doghouse too long - men are just simply clueless sometimes :)

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  8. I agree that totally stinks.

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  9. You know, I agree that it's totally unfair for you to be the one "labeled". Just because his sperm numbers are good & they fertilized your eggs, doesn't mean they are perfect. Un-freaking fair!

    I actually DO feel like I'm the problem with us, even though I know it's probably not 100% true. It just seems like (especially after miscarrying our IVF baby) that something must be out of whack with my body. There's no real good reason to believe this, I just FEEL that way. But I think I'd get angry if someone ELSE labeled it my problem!

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  10. First of all I am sorry.

    Secondly, remember that guys look at lots of things differently than women. You have a great husband and have shared many great things about him here. I am sure that he is not purposely trying to hurt you or stick you with a label you don't want.

    You guys have both been through the wringer with your experiences and in the end you will both have a child. Keep your chin up!

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  11. Ahhh, men. What fools they can act like! Im sorry Chris...I know that must have stung. Sending you many hugs!

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  12. Technically, I am the one with the problem - but I still like to think of it as "our" problem. Because it affects us both and we both have to deal with it. And we face it together. And it makes me feel less guilty, even though I shouldn't feel guilty in the first place - I didn't choose this.

    Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that I feel the same way. It is a problem that you have as a couple, regardless of who has the medical issue (in your case especially where no one has complications).

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  13. Sad as it is to say, we women are often the only ones who get stuck with the label. Just as so many things concerening IF, this too is not fair. I'm just getting used to all the unfair things...

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  14. Men are total morons sometimes. They don't "think", it's too hard for them.

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  15. Ugh.

    I read your story to my hubby (we are in the same boat as you two- unexplained) and he said he would probably have done the same dumb thing.

    And now I am mad at MY husband- so you've got company, LOL.

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  16. I agree with "ouch". I also bet that Mr. Badger, one of the sweetest guys I know, would have done the same thing...cause he's still a guy.

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  17. Men just do not fully understand IF. It's We can't have kids because my wife has a disease. Thanks honey. I am sorry since technically you don't Have the problem. I would have made my husband change the form.
    Good Luck.

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