Tuesday, December 11, 2007

At Long Last!

I'm just now getting around to posting the "after" picture from the disaster that had been our living room. And no, I wasn't standing on a ladder or hovering over the room. This picture was taken from about halfway up our stairs. Already Molly has picked off and destroyed an ornament from the tree. Therefore, we are back to living with the baby gate between the family room and living room.
The other "at long last" thing I wanted to write about was the seeming about faced decision to abandon further IVF treatment. When the doctor first told us that my eggs aren't necessarily rotten and that another IVF attempt might be a good idea we were really encouraged. I mean, it sounds really good. It feels good to know that we don't have to totally give up on the idea of having a baby as close to the regular was as an infertile can get. And we were even encouraged by the news of our increased insurance benefits kicking in at the beginning of the year. It really did seem like a second chance. And then I started thinking about the actual process of doing IVF again. And it all seemed really do-able. After all, it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Then, I remembered the aftermath of it not working. That was bad. Really bad. And I surely don't want to go to that place again. On the other hand, I realize that in this particular life circumstance of infertility it is necessary to take risks. It happens everyday and simply needs to be done. But when I started thinking about the risks that would need to be taken my mind started to shift. I mean, I would be risking our finances, my health and emotions, and our relationships. All for a 25% chance of success. And still, because of my age, I would be looking at a 50% chance of miscarriage. And that was enough to tip the scales. I simply don't feel like I can face another miscarriage.
When I started to put all of these ideas together I also had to look at the big picture. I mean, why do we want a baby? Because we want to be parents. That's it. I don't want a baby because I want to be pregnant. It's the other way around. I want to be pregnant only because I want a baby. Not because I want to be pregnant. That being said, millions of people can attest to the fact that there are other ways to parenthood other than being pregnant. After 2 years of fertility drugs I am tired of feeling lousy. I want to feel good again. And if I can have a baby while not actually having to go through pregnancy or any more fertility drugs or procedures, then why not?
We started talking about adoption long ago. As soon as we realized that we might have an issue here. We had talked of wanting to have two kids. When it became apparent that it would be a major miracle to even have one we started talking about adoption. We went to an orientation meeting. We met with friends of mine who had adopted so that Brian could hear their experience first hand. And you can imagine how many episodes of "Adoption Stories" that I watched on TV. In fact, I made Brian tivo it for me for a long time. But we wanted to wait to see what would happen with my treatments. After all, we didn't want to adopt, then get pregnant with multiples following fertility treatments! Ha! Isn't that a laugh that we actually thought like that?
And somehow it just made sense for us to take control of our lives when it feels like we haven't had any for a really long time. So here we go. Wish us well.


  1. I wish you all the best in what ever your path your journey may take. Good Luck and I hope your dreams come true in the New Year.

  2. I think it's great that you came a decision that will work for you guys. I really wish you the best of luck in your adoption journey, and I'll be following along.

    PS and your house looks great!

  3. This entry really gets at the heart of the matter and addresses some honest concerns about the future if you pursued IVF again... I think you are so wise to realize that although IVF isn't so bad, failing to conceive on IVF can be utterly devastating, and miscarrying can likewise be devastating. It leaves you scarred and afraid you will never be the same person again and you may just push all your loved ones away because you're in such pain yourself.

    I am so happy you want to pursue adoption and feel ready for that too. That said, your house looks amazing!

    We/I really want pregnancy AND parenthood so I'm just not ready for adoption yet... I've often felt ready for it in ADDITION to having a child via IVF but I'm not necessarily ready to say I'll pursue it exclusively (yet). But always know we may be there someday. Thanks for your thoughts.

  4. First your house looks beautiful and cozy! I love Christmas decorations : )
    Second- I am so happy to read your post and see how at peace you seem to be with your decision. I mean isn't that what it's all about- being at peace? So, I am glad you found it and I pray it goes as smoothly and quickly as possible.

  5. what alovely picture- I will disregard what you said about hte stairs- i like imaging you hovering instead.

    I am glad that you and hubby have made a decision that works best for you and I am excited to follow your journey

  6. Hi! I found your blog through another bloggers page (I think it was Jen). I was just reading your blog and wanted to say that I can relate to some of the things that you have gone through. I think it's great that you and your husband have decided to adopt. :) Anyways, I hope to get to know you better.


  7. Oh, your words really resonate with me. I am there with you. Even though I only did IVF once, once was enough for me. The utter devistation was excruciating. We meet with an attorney on Friday and are ready to do our application with an agency! Keep me posted!

  8. Good job on the decision making. This is a difficult decision for two people to come together on. I think it is great that you are ready to pursue a path that has a very high likelikhood of success and will get you off the roller coaster of IF treatments and half (or rather quarter chances).

  9. Anonymous4:21 PM

    sounds like you have made a great choice, after all babies all need to be loved and they don't care where they come from. Good for you for realizing what is best for your family.

    Laurie D.

  10. Your house looks SO beautiful!

    And, I give you so much credit for taking a long look at your options and making a choice that's right for you. Wishing you the best on your new journey!

  11. Anonymous7:04 PM

    Chris, first of all your house looks awesome! Doesn't it feel good to have it done?:) And second, I'm so happy that you and Brian are able to have closure and have peace with this decision. This is just the beginning of exciting times that lay your way! I can't wait to see what happens!:)

    Debby Brutsman

  12. Woohoo, so very exciting. This is going to be a great road, and you're going to be wicked parents:-)

  13. Your post was lovely on so many levels. Best of luck on this new journey!!!

  14. Anonymous7:31 PM

    I think its great that you were able to come to this decision. There are so many of us (me included) that just can't come to any conclusions at all and here you are.

    I am very, very proud of you.

  15. It does sound like you are very happy with your decision. I hope that this new part of your journey goes well.

  16. It must feel so good to make the decision and go with it. It does make perfect sense to me. I look forward to hearing about your journey towards adoption.

  17. I'm so glad to hear that you are at peace with your decision. I hope to one day get there. Can't wait to follow along as you navigate the adoption waters!!!

    LOVE the Christmas decorations!!! You did a beautiful job decorating!!

  18. Missed you this weekend~ House looks great! Something uplifting about a Christmas tree all up and decorated... at least for me!
    You'll have to tell me who you're going through. We're batting aroung the thought of domestic and I'm doing some research.

  19. I think you have made an excellent choice.

    PS I was an adoption counselor for a small agency right out of college, if you have questions about the homestudy, let me know.

    Merry Christmas!

  20. Your house looks beautiful!

    I wanted to thank you for your sweet comments on my page. I know this has been a tough time for you and your ability to be there for me just shows what an amazing woman you are. I can't wait to be there for your exciting time. It is coming.

    Hugs and prayers to you.