(Updated at bottom)
I just realized that my last post made it sound like I was going for my beta yesterday. And I didn't. And I wasn't supposed to. My beta isn't until Saturday, 12 days post 3 day transfer. What I tried to convey was that yesterday was my last acupuncture treatment of this cycle as they like to do a treatment between transfer and beta. So, sorry for the confusion. I totally blame it on the progesterone!
Acupuncture was nice and relaxing, but it has been kinda bothering me that for about the last 6 weeks I have been unable to actually sleep during my treatments. I get really, really relaxed, but I haven't actually slept. Makes me feel like I have been doing something wrong . . .
Hope and wishing are both high right now, and steadily rising, which is somewhat scary. I'm still not tempted to pee on a stick. Not that I don't want to know if it's positive, but I don't want to know if it's negative. I want to put off the negative as long as possible. You see, right now is really the last few days of any hope whatsoever of having a biological child. Without coming out and saying it directly, the doctor indicated that this cycle was it for us. The drugs have pushed me as far as I can be pushed. We could not do the same thing over again and expect a different result. So this is it. And that, my friends, is the scary part, far more scary than just another negative.
Update: OK, I have settled myself down quite a bit. I keep a "First Time's the Charm" list in my favorites folder of people who got pregnant after their first IVF cycle. I've been stalking it like crazy today, looking to see what people wrote about how they felt in the days leading up to beta. Guess what?!?!?! I'm completely normal in how neurotic I am! I'm completely normal in my lack of symptoms! I'm completely normal in that I shift constantly from positive to negative vibes! At least I can be encouraged by the fact that I am still in the game. There is still hope and it isn't over yet.
I won't lie - I totally was thrown off by that too. And I chat with you every day!!
ReplyDeleteNearly everything you could possibly come up with would be considered normal, we are all so dang crazy in the last few days of the 2WW.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you don't POAS. I couldn't refrain if my life depended on it. I'll have everything that can possibly be crossed crossed for you on Saturday!!
Gawd, I didn't know this one was your last chance like that - for biological. Now I'm REALLY hoping it works!!!
ReplyDeleteEverything is crossed. This is going to work, or . . . (dramatic pause for effect) I WILL NOT POAS UNTIL THE 14th DAY AFTER MY IUI. I mean it. And if you have read my blog, you know how much that means. So. It's going to work, it HAS to. Or I am going to go into withdrawal shakes that the world has not seen before.
ReplyDeleteI'm very impressed by your self restraint. I hope you get great results on Saturday!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand! I am only 3dp3dt and I feel like I am losing it too! Really happy and positive one minute, and all crazy the next. My doc said that no matter how crazy we get, it won't change the outcome, so if we need a couple of wacko moments, we are more than entitled to them. Wishing you a positive BETA!
ReplyDeleteMy theory is that we are allowed to be as crazy and neurotic as we want through this whole process! I'm really hoping for your BFP! The more I hear about positives after the first IVF cycle the more hope I get for my own cycle!
ReplyDeleteI am hoping, hoping, hoping you get a BFP too. I didn't know that the doctors told you this is it for you...what a lot of pressure. You are handling it so well!
ReplyDeleteI'm one of the bloggers who actually FEELS BETTER POASing. I need a lot of emotional time to prepare for AF to show. I handle it better than being surprised. At least I tell myself I do.
ReplyDeleteI am VERY excited for you... I sincerely, sincerely hope this can be your beautiful BFP that STAYS around....
You are normal. I had a lot of what people would call preg symptoms in the 1st week of the TWW but they were all attributable to my ovaries being enlarged & returning to normal & my hormone levels doing that too (E2 was 5000 at trigger, so, um, yeah).
Personally? I think pregnancy symptoms in the TWW are a myth. :) I had tons my 1st few months TTC and I wasn't EVER pregnant. It's mental, I tell ya! *wink*
I'd love to see your "first time's the charm" list, if you feel like sharing it in an entry. I'm nearing the end of stims for my first IVF and I feed off those success stories ;)
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