(Updated at bottom)
I just realized that my last post made it sound like I was going for my beta yesterday. And I didn't. And I wasn't supposed to. My beta isn't until Saturday, 12 days post 3 day transfer. What I tried to convey was that yesterday was my last acupuncture treatment of this cycle as they like to do a treatment between transfer and beta. So, sorry for the confusion. I totally blame it on the progesterone!
Acupuncture was nice and relaxing, but it has been kinda bothering me that for about the last 6 weeks I have been unable to actually sleep during my treatments. I get really, really relaxed, but I haven't actually slept. Makes me feel like I have been doing something wrong . . .
Hope and wishing are both high right now, and steadily rising, which is somewhat scary. I'm still not tempted to pee on a stick. Not that I don't want to know if it's positive, but I don't want to know if it's negative. I want to put off the negative as long as possible. You see, right now is really the last few days of any hope whatsoever of having a biological child. Without coming out and saying it directly, the doctor indicated that this cycle was it for us. The drugs have pushed me as far as I can be pushed. We could not do the same thing over again and expect a different result. So this is it. And that, my friends, is the scary part, far more scary than just another negative.
Update: OK, I have settled myself down quite a bit. I keep a "First Time's the Charm" list in my favorites folder of people who got pregnant after their first IVF cycle. I've been stalking it like crazy today, looking to see what people wrote about how they felt in the days leading up to beta. Guess what?!?!?! I'm completely normal in how neurotic I am! I'm completely normal in my lack of symptoms! I'm completely normal in that I shift constantly from positive to negative vibes! At least I can be encouraged by the fact that I am still in the game. There is still hope and it isn't over yet.