Weekend Review, Detox and Meditation

OK, I'm going to start with my Dad's update. After much confusion, yesterday he was discharged from the hospital and admitted to a nursing home to continue the next 10 days of his IV antibiotics. He is back to his old self again. He was never really sick as he didn't feel bad. Illness affects him differently now because he just can't feel things the same anymore. All that we noticed before he went to the hospital was that he was pretty cranky, and for those who know my dad, that is not his personality. Anyhow, the nursing home is really nice. It is only about 2 years old and very clean and nicely decorated. And it doesn't smell like must or old people. My dad raves about the food and so far the care seems to be pretty good as well.

On Friday I came to a realization. And for some it may not be news. However, I have been spending waaayyyyyy too much time online, mostly cruising through blogs and googling stuff. It seems I may be slightly addicted. I won't go into a lot of details, but what happens is that by the time I'm done I'm convinced that I am suffering from a combination of every affliction I have read about. That's right, by the time I logoff I have autoimmune disorders, thyroid disease, heart disease and cancer, and tons of bad luck thrown in just for giggles. Also, my heart just gets so heavy with everyone else's heartbreak. The end result is that I get myself way stressed out and find myself nearly in an anxiety attack. Many people, when faced with stress, participate in retail therapy. However, the nearest mall is 45 minutes away, and it isn't even a good mall. The good stuff is an hour away. I, however, am a freak of nature. My therapy of choice is housekeeping therapy. I'm pleased to report that all of my symptoms have diminished and also my house, all 3,000 square feet of it, is sparkling from top to bottom, and every piece of laundry is done too. Since I have run out of things to clean I am going to have to take drastic steps in my internet detox program. That's right, I am limiting myself to going online twice per day, and for no more than an hour at a time. Brian has even threatened to take my laptop to work with him. Noooooooo!

Before I continue with the last part of this post I have a special message for Brian. If you are reading this, and you are at work, stop right now. Close the blog and go do something else. Read this after you get home. Don't worry, it isn't anything bad. Just read it at home. Trust me.

In other stress reduction news, my friend Meghan sent me some absolutely wonderful infertility meditation CDs. I haven't listened to them in their entirety yet, but so far I am hooked. This evening I took a long bubble bath and did some reading. Afterwards I got comfy in bed and listened to one of the meditations on my ipod. A very odd thing happened while I was listening. I was sorta doing what I was being told and repeating the meditations to myself, however, I was having trouble remembering the words just exactly right. So, sometimes instead of repeating all of the words I was envisioning what I was told. At one point I was supposed to be feeling the support of those encouraging me. I saw lots of people there, some I know and some I don't. There was also a baby, and I knew immediately that this was our lost Angel Baby. The baby told me (think Look Who's Talking) to keep trying and not give up. I was still kind of floored by that when I realized just how tremendously lucky we are to have this Angel Baby waiting for us in heaven. I can't even verbalize, or write, how deep the feeling was, only to say that all of the heartache and pain of the miscarriage is so totally worth knowing that our Angel Baby is waiting for us. It was a very odd feeling, but good. I guess I must have been really relaxed.

Afterwards I continued listening to music on my ipod while Brian was reading on the other side of the room and I went to sleep. When he came to bed much later it woke me up. After tossing and turning for about 2 hours I finally got up and came downstairs, and here I am. So much for my detox program. However, I believe I am still on track because I haven't actually read any blogs right now or googled anything. So that I don't tempt myself now that I have come to the end of my post I think I'll head outside to look for the meteor shower, and then I'll try the whole sleep thing again.