Thursday, December 07, 2006

Shaken, Not Stirred

I'm not going to be chatting about tasty alcoholic beverages. Sorry to disappoint. "Shaken, not stirred" better describes my entire being and sums up how I have been feeling about life over the past several months. I have been the kind of person who always felt that everything would turn out OK. I had lived a sheltered, naive life. Sheltered from personally feeling deep down hurt, that is. I knew that bad things happened to regular, everyday people, but I felt very insulated from it all and just went along my merry way. Then, my dad fell and our lives changed forever. I now know deep heart ache, pain, and worry. Even worse, I feel shaken. I no longer feel protected from hurt. I no longer feel immune from misfortune. I no longer feel that everything will be OK. Some people learn this at a much earlier age. I guess I'm a late bloomer. I'm also shaken because my emotions are just raw. Sad stories cause a pain in my heart. Everything makes me cry. I feel everyone's pain as real as my own. And I can't blame it on hormones, I haven't taken any this month. Don't get me wrong, I've always been empathetic towards other's trouble and grief, but it touches me at a new level now. It's very unnerving. That's why "shaken, not stirred" so perfectly sums up my being now.

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