Monday, March 23, 2009

Peeking Over the Edge

Every now and again I let my thoughts wander into the realm of adopting again. Usually fear scurries those thoughts right back out of my mind. But as a little time passes, the thoughts return again, and scurry again, and return again. You get the idea.

We would like another child. Adoption is really the only realistic way that can happen. However, after having such a successful outcome with Andrew, considering it again really isn't so easy. In fact, it is much more difficult. Last year it was a very easy decision to make and we just went with it. As you know, we had a great experience all the way around and really couldn't have asked for anything better.

However, since there aren't any guarantees in life, we know that should we pursue adoption again we risk all of the scary stories we have heard. And maybe I'm just not the risk taker that I was last year. I loved, and love, our agency. They were fantastic and really held our hands through the whole process. I would use them again in a heatbeat and I regulary refer them to my friends. I just don't know if I'm willing to be tied to a phone again and feel like I'm always waiting for something.

As an aside here, my thoughts aren't really coming out right at all. Well, they sort of are, but it just isn't sounding right. Ugh.

We want to adopt again. It's the waiting and work that leads up to it that seems so daunting, and risky, right now. Does the fact that I'm leary mean that I don't want this badly enough? I really don't think so. It's just that for some reason I'm hesitant to just jump right in. I like things how they are right now, but I also know that since adoption is so unpredictable you need to allow some time.

I'm still having trouble here, even just explaining why I'm having trouble. I guess now you will understand why I feel like I'm peeking over the edge.

7 comments:

  1. I totally understand what you are talking about! I'm not ready to even think of our next baby - but I know I want one.... but am I willing to do IVF again? No. Or not that I can think of anytime in the near future. Plus - Cameron is such a great kid! Who knows what we'll get with #2. Sigh. Now I'm having trouble explaining it.

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  2. I understand exactly what you mean. I know I want another one (at some point) but I'm scared to even think about what it might take. Or how far I am/am not willing to go.

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  3. I understand totally. It is a stressful daunting process in almost every way.

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  4. I also understand. I am in the same place with my thoughts as what ultimatejourney said

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  5. Hopefully with a little more time your fear will subside. Life is one big risk and we never know what is going to happen, but my motto is that it is better to try than to always wonder "what if?"..... Give it some more time and I bet you'll be ready to go down the adoption road again to bring Andrew a little brother or sister.

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  6. Anonymous3:38 PM

    I understand how you can be scared about going through the whole process again, but I wouldn't put too much stock into wondering about how great everything is and if another child will affect that. There is never any guarantees in life, but any child will bring love to your family with all of the ups and downs that come with it. As for waiting, I always thought that it would be great to have kids 5 years apart because then you can spend the early years with just them. You will know when the time is right for your family, but if you never pursue another child, you have a beautiful one that you can love forever. Hope that helps a little, Laurie

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  7. I hear you - I was thinking about this the other day. V has his meltdowns like any baby, but they are tame for sure. He's perfection and it's a huge leap of faith to bring another child into our family. I know we will, but we're already so lucky to have V.

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