Friday, January 04, 2008

When Will Something Finally Be Easy?

I know that not everything in life can be easy. Believe me, we have been shown that over and over so I think it's a lesson I've pretty much mastered. But can't some things be easy? Just every once in a while? Case in point: remember I mentioned that I dropped off my physician's statement at my RE's office? I thought it should be pretty straightforward to have him fill out and sign the paperwork. After all, he spent a year and a half and collected $30,000 from me trying to get me pregnant. I take that to mean that he believes I am healthy enough and emotionally stable enough to parent a child. Apparently I was wrong.

This morning (after having the paperwork for well over a week) his office manager called to tell me that he isn't comfortable signing the paperwork and he won't be able to do it. The reason given is that he isn't qualified to give me a psych eval. And that needs to be part of the physician's statement. I called the adoption agency. They said that no phych eval is necessary unless there is a history of mental illness. OK, that tells me that I don't need one because nobody has ever suggested that I have any mental illness. I called the doctor's office back and was told to come on down to talk to him. So I did.

And what an interesting conversation that was. First, he began by asking me if I was back to work. I told him I was. He asked it was his fault. And I said, "Why yes it is! In fact, the state of Arizona should be thanking your for returning a teacher to the workforce". Then he encouraged me to do another round of IVF. He still believes that my situation deserves another chance. He doesn't think my fear of another miscarriage should keep me from doing it. Finally we moved on to the discussion of adoption. Are you ready for this? He began by telling me about two different patients of his who adopted and then several years later came to him for further treatment and conceived naturally before any treatment could be done. My chin dropped to the floor.

For the record, if any of you, either in real life or in blogland, ever, ever, ever tell me that now that we are adopting I will fall pregnant please be prepared for me to beat you upside the head with your own shoe. Repeatedly. Possibly with your foot still in it. And likewise, if I do happen to get pregnant one day, don't tell me that it is because we finally started the adoption process and I relaxed. Because then I will beat you upside the head with my own size 10 shoe. Repeatedly.

But let me get back on target. When the conversation finally came around to my physician's statement form that I still needed filled out he said that he couldn't do it. Not because he didn't want to, but that because SART guidelines are very clear on the matter. Any time donor egg or donor sperm is being used there needs to be a psych eval. Apparently adoption is considered donor egg and donor sperm. And the rambling explanation continued. Until I said that I understood. Which all I understand is that I need to go to my primary care doctor. I then collected my paperwork and made my getaway, but not before my doctor wanted a hug. And with instructions to do IVF before summer, if I'm so inclined to do it again. Apparently my eggs will expire this summer. Nice to know.

Once home I called my primary care doctor and made an appointment for the 21st. And I called the adoption agency again to verify that I do not, in fact, need a pysch eval. Did I mention that my RE called them before I got to his office today? Yeah, he did, and explained why he couldn't fill out their paperwork. The owner of the agency told me to just see my primary care and that this really isn't a big deal.

Will anything ever be easy?


  1. Sounds like he was just trying to get you to pay more money for another IVF treatment. I don't know if I like him very much right now.

    Good luck with your family Dr. I hope he has more sense!!

  2. UGH! Stupid people!

    HUGS! I wish it were all easy.

  3. Oh, I wish I had an Easy button! I would totally share it with you.

    I am going to take the road less traveled and just say that your doctor is an ass-clown.

    And also say that you rock, and my feet are the same size as yours if you ever need them for extra butt-kicking power. Or need to borrow a pair of fabulous heels.

  4. Ugh, I can't believe your RE actually seems to share the relaxation belief held by so many people.
    Hope your primary doc gets that paperwork completed more quickly for you.
    I like the new look too!

  5. It seems like your doc is more interested in you doing an IVF cycle with him than building a family. Sounds weird for a doctor to bring up folks that got pregnant after adopting. My doctor once said it to me but in jest - I asked if I had tried everything and she said, have tried adoption because I've "heard" that persuing adoption helps you conceive. And we both had a good laugh.

  6. Did you ask him if he was throwing this next round of IVF at you for free? And did you tell him that you MIGHT need a mental eval if he didn't stop jacking you around?

    Ugh. I am so sorry that you had to get the runaround like this.

    I am hoping that the easy comes soon. As in, the adoption process is easy, not that you will get pregnant. Please don't beat me with any shoes!

  7. Holy f*, I can't believe that! If he'd offered you free IVF, fine, then he's really a believer and willing to prove it. This, well this was just retarded!

    As for the "beat you upside the head with your own shoe" - if anyone says that to you, I will join you in the beating. It'd be deserved.

  8. oh for pete's sake.
    whhhhhyyyyyy??? do they make it so freakin' hard. and i'm sorry that sart bs sounds like sart bs. good grief. and trying to get you to spend more $$$, i mean, what does sart say about that?? sheesh, that joker need s swift kick in the shins.

    the whole 'once you adopt you'll get pregnant' is SUCH A JOKE. and is so inappropriate. our freakin' adotion counselor told us that! b/c we were so young. what does that say about us? that we are just pretending to want to adopt?

    there are studies that show that birthrates of adoptive parents go --down-- once they adopt.

    know that in the spirit of the sisterhood, i will tell everyone (assuming my siutation doesn't go to pot. for the fifth time) that lovely stat if they dare to say something so stupid. though, at this point i'm pretty sure i've beaten them into submission.

  9. I think there are several of us who will join the beatings if anyone suggests you'll get pregnant now that you're pursuing adoption.

    And...really interesting reaction on the part of your doc. I agree with egged out--sounds like he's more interested in you cycling than building a family. ridiculous.

  10. I hope the next doctor fills out the paperwork.

    Anyone who says that you can get pregnant once choosing to adopt because you "relax" obviously has never really known someone going through adoption. Don't they know how stressful adopting is?

  11. And while I'm at it - your doctor really pisses me the fuck off.

    If he agrees that the "just relax" theory fucking works - how the hell is he in business? Instead of trying to get you to spend more money, shouldn't he be suggesting a procreation vacation - shouldn't he be a travel agent???

    I'm so pissed for you.

  12. Your RE sounds like an idiot. And a jerk.

  13. First you can borrow my shoes any time. I wear a size 11, my friend (comes with being 6' tall)...and I'll happily smack down anyone you guilty as charged. And, I'm also willing to put my shoes to work on your idiotic RE. What a dolt. A hug? WTF?

  14. Ummm, oh wow....I just dont know what to say. I am FUMING. Im another big-shoe gal--so you can borrow my size 10 shoe to do some head whopping...

  15. That is just unbelievable. Your IVF doctor is a FREAK. And just to let you know, I think that I heard the "Have you thought about adoption - you will get pregnant the minute you fill out the paperwork" comment about 100 times in the last year. UGH.
    Send me your paperwork, I will give you a squeaky clean psych eval!