Has it really been a week already since I have written? I must be losing my mind, as well as my fertility, since it really doesn't seem like that long. Come to think of it, it's been a busy time and lots has been going on.
I spent last Tuesday cleaning the house and preparing for our house guests as well as Thanksgiving, and then I had 3 kids in for tutoring in the afternoon. That evening we had dinner with my parents, Eric, Kari and the kidlets. Wednesday was another day of preparing for Thanksgiving (read: SHOPPING) and going to acupuncture (AHHH, exactly what I needed) and later to the hockey game (YEAH! The Coyotes finally won).
On Thursday Brian, Kari and I spent the early part of the day cooking up a storm and preparing for our guests. Everyone came over around 12:30 and left around 7, but it was a great day with yummy food and lots of visiting. Lots of cleaning up too, but it was worth it. Poor Brian got called in to work that evening, and again on Friday (2 or 3 times) and again on Saturday morning and then again around midnight. It definitely wasn't a relaxing, long weekend for him, but then it wasn't as bad for us as it was for the people having the heart attacks that resulted in Brian being called into work. So for that we can continue to be thankful.
On Friday I went shopping with Kari and Ashley, and even my Mom for one quick stop. Then we spent the afternoon visiting at my parent's house with my mom's cousin and her gentleman friend and Kari's parents who also came into town.
Our house guests cleared out on Saturday and then it was time for more shopping. Don't hate me, but I am done with my shopping. Hopefully this will help to ease my stress level.
Throughout all of this time I was pretty much blissfully unthinking of my fertility woes and lack of procreating ability. Until yesterday. We spent the day hanging Christmas lights outside (after 3 trips to Lowes and Target to buy new lights) and lugging all of the holiday stuff into the house. First of all, we have an artificial tree. I hate artificial trees. I never even had one until we moved to Arizona. In our part of AZ it is a must though because it is so dry that it really isn't even safe to have real trees in the house. Anyhow, as I fluffed the tree (my job, since Brian hasn't got the patience for it) a few thoughts slammed into me. Namely, my due date would have been December 6th. Ouch. That is next week. I should have been too pregnant to be standing up on the ladder fluffing a 9 foot tree. Also, I should have been planning the perfect placement for our "Baby's First Christmas" ornament. I should have been planning our photo Christmas card and birth announcements.
And none of this is to be. And it just sucks, no matter what I have to be thankful for.
It does suck. I hate it when those thoughts and reminders start invading your mind.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts will be with you for getting through that upcoming due date.
i know how you feel. I had hoped this would be my babies' first christmas as well but....
ReplyDeleteI think it makes thing worse when "dates" fall around the holidays. I have some of those "dates" myself. But, with the holidays approaching, it brings a new year, and a new hope that this will be our year.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are feeling blue about your upcoming "date". That must be so hard. It is true, you need to focus on the future. It isn't over yet. I have a feeling 2008 is going to be magic for many of us.
ReplyDeleteIt does suck.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to do something on that day? Would you like me to?
Yes, it does suck. And I'm so sorry you're having to go into the Christmas holidays with such grief for your lost little one. When our due date came around J and I spent the day together antique shopping just enjoying each other's company. No it didn't take away all the thoughts about how I should be a mother, but it was nice to just be with J reconnecting with each other. Hopefully you and Brian can do the same. Thinking of you this holiday season!!
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry Chris...just hoping so much for us both that we have a little one to celebrate about by next Christmas!
ReplyDeleteIt totally sucks. All the focus on children and babies during the holiday season doesn't help.
ReplyDeleteSending love and virtual hugs your way.....
Ugh, that's just so shitty. I don't know what to hope for you or what to say, except I'm thinking about you and wishing it were easier for ya.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great you had to really think about it before you were caught in a poo thought. It's easy to let a single thing ruin a holiday, even if it is a BIG single thing. Having friends and family and distractions helps keep the focus on what there is to be thankful for ~ so that even when the sucky part hits, there's something to help even out the scale....
ReplyDeleteSo we'll get together again and have REAL drinks; something neither of us 'should' have been doing in a perfect world.
That does suck, and it is sad and there is no way around that. If only there were. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI hope you made it through your due date OK.
ReplyDelete